Affirmation - Savage Garden

As is my wont, I suffer from writers block sometimes. A sureshot way to keep blogging in such a case is to write about a song I like. The song below is by a group called Savage Garden (of course, they've now split and the lead singer Darren Hayes is now a major star in his own right)

When I first heard this song, I couldn't understand what it was about. But the more I listened to this song, the more it began to grow on me. This song speaks about how human nature is to always wants more than what is available, resulting in lack of happiness. Whenever i feel low, I listen to this song. It never fails to cheer me up. I also have a printout of the song stuck on my work desk for precisely this reason.

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument

I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands

I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you

I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do

I believe that beauty magazines promote low self-esteem

I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned

I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned

I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side

I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality

I believe that trust is more important than monogamy

I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul

I believe that family is worth more than money or gold

I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair

I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness

I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed

I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists

I believe in love surviving death into eternity

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned

I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned

I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side

I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

The How to Kill series

how to kill a defence minister

Ingredients

A cycle, preferably the good old Hero Jet, in a dilapidated condition.

One cool gun, which cannot be traced back to you. (if you are in Bihar, then a home made gun will work).

One dirt bike, which should be capable of 0-100 in 4 seconds.

At least 4 other friends who can assist you (after trying to deter you at first).

One corrupt defence minister (note: this works as well for other dirty politicians as well).

Method
1. Place one friend strategically in front of the defence ministers house, early in the morning, just before the DM leaves for his walk, repairing the broken hero Jet. If he's not the rocket scientist of the group, just make sure he knows how to turn the wheel of the inverted bicycle.

2. One friend disguised as a newspaper delivery boy. Make sure he has a coupla glam mags on him, so that the attention of horny security guards of the minister is diverted from the job to things much more exciting.]

3. Go Pillion on the dirt bike with your other friend driving. Drive slow at first, enabling you to take proper aim. Remember, you'll have to take careful aim, as you'll be shooting when you're moving.

4. Shoot and scoot. Use the power of the dirt bike to the max. Ensure you do not get caught in a traffic jam whilst escaping.

There....wasn't it easy? The next one of the "How to Kill" series will be on painless Suicide.

Damn Damn Damn

This had been a day to forget for me. First, I wake up late and come by vehicle (a two wheeler, thankfully, but thats a minor mercy) to office, in chaotic Bangalore traffic. Then i spend 15 minutes in office trying to get that beautiful coat of mud off me. Lunch sucked today. I generally dont mind rice and rasam everyday, but today's rasam wasn't all that great. To top it all off, work has been erratic. Mind you, not beacuse I willed so, but because of forces beyond my control. And to top it all off, my trip to Germany, which was in the pipeline has been postponed. Now, I am not the kind of person who'll rue missing that trip, because I've already been there once, and I know how boring and lonely it can get. It got postponed yesterday, thanks to the delay in getting my Visa, and guess what, yup, one of life's ironies this is....I get my Visa today. Now what I can look forward to is answering the *$^%#@s when they ask me why i'm still in Bangalore, a stinkin' trip back home on a scooter, after a day of frustrating "no-end-achieved" work, eating shitty hotel food and sleeping(this part will be good, hopefully).....

But i'll back, I promise. Until then, Asta La Vista Baby

DONT PANIC

If there's one book i wouldn't mind reading over and over again, then it is the Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams. Here's what Adams has to say at the beginning of the book :

How to leave the Planet :

1. Phone NASA. Their phone number is (713) 483 - 3111. Explain that it's very important that you get away as soon as possible.
2. If they do not co-operate, phone any friend you may have in the White House - (202) 456 - 1414 - to have a word on your behalf with the guys at NASA.
3. If you don't have any friends in the White House, phone the Kremlin (ask the overseas operator for 0107 - 095 - 295 - 9051). They don't have any friends there either (at least, none to speak of), but they do seem to have a little influence, so you may as well try.
4. If that also fails, phone the Pope for guidance. His telephone number is 011 - 39 - 6 - 6982, and I gather his switchboard is infalliable.
5. If all these attempts fail, flag down a passing flying saucer and explain that it's vitally important you get away before your phone bill arrives.

Wish me Happy Reading.

The Master of the Universe

The Excesses of the Welfare State - A Closer Look

This post is definitely inspired by Rang De Basanti. After watching the movie, a common refrain I heard was, no government on earth will do the things that they got done during a peaceful demonstration. It would be a PR disaster, they said.

But look back into the recent past, then you will see that the state has indulged in such excesses all along. When it does, the memory of it lingers on for a few days. And then, we just forget about it. I wish to present a few instances of "The excesses of the Welfare State" (Thanks to God for helping me out here)

The Karunanidhi Arrest

Well, seeing is believing. Nobody would have imagined that the government was capable of giving out such orders. I clearly remember being disgusted by the scenes that were flashed on TV as the drama had already unfolded. I did not see it live, because I, along with the rest of the world, was sleeping! Even to this day, I fail to understand the motive behind this midnight arrest. A perfect case of a PR disaster, conveniently forgotten.



Operation Majnu

One of the most chauvinistic "Operations" I have ever heard of. In the city of Lucnow, the morality guardians of the city decide that it is improper for a boy and a girl to take walks in a garden. They cannot hold hands, cannot hug each other etc. So what do they decide to do? Humiliate them, in full glare of national media! Reviling, to say the least. To see a woman officer, slapping around innocent teens in such a humiliating fashion made my blood boil. Die in hell, you #@$%&. On a sadder note, a boy and a girl, who were humiliated such during this "Operation" (I still can't get why they cannot launch an operation to check crime. I pay taxes for this reason.) went missing. Hope they're back.



The Honda Factory Case, Gurgaon
I am not sure of what exactly happened here, whether the fight was actually started by the striking factory workers, but the following police brutality would have made Hitler look like a do-gooder. This incident caused wide spread protests against the excesses involved, causing no one lesser than the Prime Minister to intervene. What has happened thereafter, I have no knowledge of. But I hope some action has been taken against the guilty, irrespective of whether they are from the police or from the striking workers.



Student Union Protests in Chennai

Pretty Common, for some student wings of political parties to protest "Commercialization in education". I may have some difference of opinion with them, but I wouldn't bring it out the way the cops did. Sad, this happening in Chennai, which I hold in high regard for the "learned" feeling that it exudes.

What we need is a legislation to curb such excesses. It is sad to see the cops using brute power (obviously under the instructions of the higher-ups) to quell what are generally peaceful demonstrations. But this again is a thorny issue, as most of the strikes that are called by political parties tend to turn ugly at the smallest provocation. This is definitely an issue to ponder over.

I would also like to commend the work of the NHRC (national Human Rights Commission), the watchdog of Human Rights in our country, for their active partaking of investigations that follow after such incidents, and giving an unbiased opinion of the events. Sadly, it is a norm, rather than an exception that the state gets indicted.

Change, the order of the day

I was a toddler, no more than the length of my Dad's arm
I changed into a strapping young man, the tallest in the class

I never used to study much when I was in higher primary
I changed into a mugpot to pass the 10th board exam

I never listened to English music because I couldn't understand it
I changed into a hard rock freak

I had the most perfect hair when I was younger
I changed into a prematurely balding man

I never thought I could live in a different country from my parents
I changed into a lonely son, a whole ocean across

I never expected to have someone I loved to pieces, not from the family
I changed into a committed boyfriend, till death do us part

I never expected to jump jobs so early in my career
I changed to pursue a better offer, albeit with guilt

I never thought I could publish my thoughts on a widely read forum
I changed to write my own blog

I never thought I would change the template of my blog so often
But....I changed it

welcome to the new look

Only when you've lost everything..

.....are you free to do anything.

This is one of the more famous lines from Fightclub, which set me thinking. Let me analyze this statement in the following way. Take an example of a moderately successful man. He has a salaried job, has made the down payment for his house, is repaying his car loan installments on time.....In short, a model citizen, who forsees no great difficulty, luck willing, in his near future. Now, can you ever imagine this person trying to do something that is out of line from how he currently lives his life. Chances are I'll turn vegetarian before he does that. Why? Because he has a lot at stake here. Why on earth would anybody do something to disturb the fine balance achieved in ones lifestyle? (of course, there might be exceptions, but they are far in between)

Now consider a person opposite to the one mentioned above. Free from all burdens and expectations, with nothing to lose, he can go for broke. Like it's said, when you're right at the bottom of the pit, the only way for you is to go up.

I continue to be amazed by Fightclub.

Mooing on, I have found out that Vijay Krishna stands to make much more than me (theoritically) by helping the whatsisnames of the third world. I feel miserable. How I wish I get a couple more offers! I cant wait to see the light of the day, when I, Vinayak Kini, will be in the blogsphere, the richest man in India. (If Azim Premji can be the richest man based on his stock ownership of Wipro, then I am rich too....Stocks or to-be-made scam money, both of them can be of little value in no time).

I unearthed a little piece of trivia, and will post it as a question. If any of you know the answer, leave a comment behind (with the answer, of course)....You would've seen many movies, where the actors normally use the exclamation "Jesus.H.Christ"! (If you haven't, take my statement to be true...which it is, BTW). The question is, how did the term Jesus.H.Christ come into use?

[Today's Mood] : Doubtful (about getting my Visa)

[Today's Music] : Hoobastank

The Great Nigerian E-mail Scam

FROM: BARR.CHARLES IKEJI
GOLDEN CHAMBERS & CO
56, OLD OJO ROAD AMUWO,
LAGOS- NIGERIA.

My Dearest Kini,

I am sorry for bothering you and please do not be surprised at this mail but I crave your indulgence to just give it fair attention to convince yourself. I am Barr. Charles Ikeji, a solicitor at law. I am the personal attorney to Mark Kini, a foreigner who was an oil merchant here and used to work with Handebull Construction & Oil Services in Nigeria. Hereinafter referred to as my client.

On the 6th of May, 2002 it was reported to us that my Client and his wife were involved in a Local Plane Crash at Kano State,which en route from sokoto to Abuja(the capital city of Nigeria),all occupants in the Plane lost their lives,unfortunately on this same flight were other dignitaries like the former Nigeria Sports Minister and a host of others.

Since then I have made several enquiries to the embassies here to locate any of my client's extended relations, these effort proved unsuccessful. After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to track his last name over the Internet to locate any member of his family hence I contacted you and I feel it is by divine providence that I am contacting you in this matter.

I have contacted you to assist in repartrating the fund valued at US$17 million left behind by my client before it gets confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank , where my late client operated his account. The bank has since issued me a notice, to provide the next of kin or have the account confiscated by their next board meeting. For the fact that I have been unsuccesfull in locating the relatives during these past period of time, I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased and now that I have finally located you, I honestly think it does not matter even if you are not related to my late client or even if you do not bear the same surname with him, the MOST IMPORTANT thing is that you are INTERESTED to execute the matter with me and since he did not leave any record behind even at the bank, will have no problem to convince the bank that you are related to him because it is better for you and me to claim this money than for the bank to seize it as unclaimed.

I will present you to the bank as a COUSIN to my late client and I will secure some necessary legal documents to back up this claim so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you, instead of the bank confiscating the money. I feel the money will be more useful to you and me than the bank. Therefore, on receipt of your positive response, we shall then discuss the modalities for transfer and I will give you the full details.

I have all necessary information and have arranged to process all the relevant legal documents needed to back you up for the claim. All I require from you, is your honest co-operation to enable us see this transaction through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement, that will protect you from any breach of the law and as we progress,you will also have the opportunity to confirm directly from the bank about this deposit. For more privacy of your reply. PLEASE REPLY TO MY PERSONAL EMAIL:charlesmine37@yahoo.com( This email box is strictly confidential) and I will give you telephone number for more details.

Respectfully,

Barrister Charles ikeji

Alcoholism a sin?? Think again ....

Disclaimer : To be taken in a lighter vien only. These sayings may or may not reflect my opinion on any form of alcohol there may exist, depending on whether you're my mum or not.

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
I think not."
~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones
at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

Hockey, The Grammies and BMTC

We are the champions ........ The Bangalore Lions won the second edition of PHL convincingly, defeating the Chandigarh Dynamos 2-1. Read more about it here. What is more heartening is the presence of a 25,000 strong crowd to witness this game. That the partisan crowd returned home disappointed is another issue, but this seems like a revival for the national game. Couldn't have come at a better time, considering the way our Men in Blue are performing right now.

After all the hoopla about Asha being nominated for a Grammy, and wondering why whizkids like AR and his ilk never get nominated, looks like a Buddhist Monk is the best chance for India to bring home one of the more prestigious music awards. Here's the article from the Deccan herald.


Indian Grammy award nominee and Buddhist monk Ngawang Tashi Bapu walks beside a river in Guwahati on Wednesday, prior to leaving for New York to attend the Grammy awards function. Lama Tashi from the Gaden Rabgyaling monastery in Bomdilla, one of the largest Tibetan Buddhist monasteries in the world with over 3,000 monks, has received the nomination for his chanting album Tibetan Master Chants in the Best Traditional World Music Album category.


BMTC started it's Volvo Bus Operations yesterday. With this Bangalore adds yet another feather in it's already owercrowded cap (pun intended), being the first city to have this facility. Pretty sad though, that the entire schedule went haywire on the first day. The authorities promise a better show from today onwards. Let's wait and see if the Volvo idea turns out to be a success, or thanks to the ineptitude of our Babus, remains just a good intention, rather than an idea in practice.

On a more personal note:
Tomorrow I leave for Germany (If my visa arrives on time i.e.). I am not very sure if I'll have the time to blog. But I promise to try updating it regularly.....Wish me Bon Voyage.

Mithunda Rocks

I got this peice of writing via email. I'm sure it's been picked from a blog somewhere. But it's so hilarious, I had to put a copy in here.

To whoever's written this post : " Boss, no longer is Mithunda Incomparable, now that you are here...May you carry the inextinguishable flame forward".

Read on, and laugh hard.....

Mithunism----The Religion

A buxom lady is going to have the shoulder of her blouse torn by a bunch of marauding ruffians. Suddenly, a bottle rolls on the ground and a Man enters the screen. The ruffians ask "Who are you?" In a voice that would make the blood of tigers run cold (old jungle proverb), He says:

"Dikhne me bewada, daudne me ghoda, aur maarne me hathoda hoon main"

The man. The legend. Mithun Chakraborty. Some call him Mithun-da, most call him Prabhuji.

Mithun-da is one of my idols. I will go even further and say He is my God. I believe in Him. And like any fanatic, I am extremely impatient with some people who laugh at Him, compare Him unfavorably to Amitabh and Shahrukh Khan just because He is supposedly "down market". I think these people should rot in Hell with 72 virgins. 40 year old male virgins that is.

Also like any true-blue fanatic, I would like to spread His word, increase His flock and hopefully salvage many Mithun-less souls. For those who come to scoff, I hope, that after reading this rather lengthy post (the word of God is never concise---The Bible, the Koran, the Gita are not small books), you shall stay to pray.

Or at least say :" Hayeeeeeeeeeeeee Saalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

Mea culpa. I have to confess. My faith in Him had faltered. Once. It was occasioned by reading this article.

On the very first day of shooting for Mithun-da's new movie "Chingari" directed by Kalpana Lajmi, the traditional rape sequence was being picturized between Mithun-da and Sushmita Sen. However Sushmita, who is somewhat of a nag and a pathetic pseudo, left the sets fuming about how Mithun touched her inappropriately during the scene.

Despite the irony of inappropriate fondling during a rape scene, I was distraught. How could Prabhu do this to a girl his daughter's age? I cried myself to sleep and in my dreams, Mithun-da came to me, whispering words of wisdom.

Well actually no.

He said nothing. In my dream, He was standing on a desolate beach with dolorous weather-beaten eyes. He bent down, picked up a fistful of sand, and let it fall through His fingers. I immediately understood what He meant----the ephemeral nature of the human body, ashes to ashes --dust to dust----what is one touch here or there ? It's all Maya. How true.

In the morning I realized that He also may have meant that all He did was touch silicon (ie sand) and not Sushmita Sen, the creature of flesh and bone.I was born again.Unlike Amitabh and Shahrukh and all the other false Gods, Mithun-da delivers. Week after week He delivers hit after hit. And the people whom He cares for, the people who worship Him are not the multiplex-going-Western-culture-aping-Godless-apostates but real Indians----the villagers, small towners, the sons of the soil---the Jawan and the Kisaan, who flock to see His movies in Mithun temples----small, stuffy, dilapidated cinema halls with creaking torn seats, insects, peeling paint and the all-permeating stench of sweat and urine.

Mithun-da is versatile. No living actor has essayed as many diverse roles as He has which include (but are not limited to)---a tribal caught in the headlights of exploitation (Mrigaya), a disillusioned freedom-fighter (Tahader Katha), Ramakrishna Paramhansa (Ramakrishna Paramhansa), a ventroquilist (Gudiya), a pimp (Dalal), an army general ( Military Raaj), a Coolie in an airport (Gunda), a drunk ruffian (Prem Pratigya), an assassin (Jallad), a Tamil coconut seller (Agneepath) a boxer (Boxer), a Bengali (Bengal Tiger), a teacher (Krantishetra), a disco dancer (Disco Dancer, Dance Dance), a truck driver (Truck Driver Suraaj), a police officer (Jung), a detective (Lucky), an international terrorist (Baba Sikander in Elaan), a false man of God (Dance of Love) , a Sardar (Tusi Great Ho Paazi) and not to forget his donning the mantle of the Indian James Bond---Gunmaster G9 (actual name:Gopinath) in Suraksha and Wardaat. The first three roles in this list won him National Awards---more than any other Indian actor and all of them the adulation and devotion of his followers.

A word about Mithun-da's Bond avatar. It's one of this century's biggest tragedies that so few people know about our Desi Bond-- G-9 . While he may not have worn exquisitely tailored suits or sipped Dom Perignon below 38F, Mithun-da is the only Bond to have group danced with a gaggle of buxom ladies in skin tights.

G9 may not have tangoed with Blofeld and the SMERSH but he had his hands full with Dr. Shiva of the evil Shiv Shakti Organization (this name sounds vaguely familiar in light of the Indian political landscape). And let me remind you, in all his battles G9 came out with flying colors---saving the world from death rays (Suraksha) and invading locusts (Wardaat) while grappling with a futuristic bionic villain, enhanced with bio-mechanical implants at the nano level (in the movie, the villain had calculators strapped to his hands).

Talking of villains, in almost all movies Prabhuji has tackled the scariest villains ever seen on screen. In other words, the scum of the earth as represented by the lusty Bulla, the confused Chutiya, the imperialist Sam, the foul Pothey, the dark Kala Shetty, the hapless Lucky Chikna, the sly Ibu Hatela, the politically well-connected Lamboo Ata and the fearless Ballu Bakra. Each of these accursed souls have been dispatched to their maker by Prabhuji with style and panache as exemplified in the dialogue he delivers to Ibu Hatela :

"Main tumhe Hatela se Katela bana doonga"

If the names of these devils have not made you understand what Prabhuji was up against, here are dialogues from two of them:

"Mai jis gali se guzarta hoo waha bachcha paida hone se pehle durrkar maa ke pet me susu kar deta hai!!" (Loha)

and a similar sentiment:

"Hum aise laashen bicha denge jaise kisi nanhe munhe bacche ke nunhi se pesaab tapakta hain---tap tap" ( Gunda)

Tough guys........... indeed !

But Prabhuji is not all about dispatching the bad guys. He knows how to have fun. And whenever the villains are not around, He likes to dance and frolic. A few of His memorable Bhajans (many of the "moojick" being supplied by another God, Bhappee-da) ---" Char Gya Upaar Re" (Dalal), "Mirchi Re Mirchi Kamaal Kar Gayee, Dhoti Ko Pharke Rumaal Kar Gayee" (Jurmana), "Main Loongi Uthaake Tumhe Disco Dikhati" (Agneepath), De de de chummi chummi (Janta Ki Adalaat), Main Tera Murga (Hitler), Daakiya Babu Daku Hain Pakka ....the list needless to say is endless.

Not only is Mithun-da India's greatest actor and superhero, He is a very keen businessman. And a visionary to boot. If Henry Ford revolutionized the automotive industry in the early 20th century with the use of the "assembly line", Mithun-da has done something similar with movies. Sick and tired of Mumbai's loss-making film industry, He started an alternative center for high-quality yet money-making movies in beautiful Ootie with his hotel (the flagship of the Monark group of hotels which he owns) serving as the base of operations. Movies are efficiently produced within two weeks---from conception to the finished product. No expensive foreign shoots, no production delays and in general none of the needless flab that has made Bollywood a loss making endeavor.

Mithunda has truly productized movie-making by creating a baseline movie framework that can be efficiently re-used for multiple offerings----the baseline plot is --Mithun-da is an honest man, His father gets killed, His sister gets raped and then He takes revenge. As simple as that. Of late He has started playing the villain but usually what I mentioned before is the skeleton of almost all His movies. With the base structure in place, each particular movie then can be looked upon as an instantiation of this general framework-----as a researcher into formal software design I can only marvel at His godly genius.

Like many geniuses, Prabhu-ji's greatness has not been appreciated. While duds like Shahrukh keep on getting one Filmfare after another for crappy lovefests, Mithun-da has to be content with measly "Best villain" awards. BS I tell you ! And His greatest movie, "Gunda" surely deserved the Oscars much more than that monstrosity "Titanic".

Just like Spielberg plagiarized Satyajit Ray's script to make ET, countless number of Hollywood hotshots have shamelessly copied from the holy texts without so much as a hat tip.

Mithun-da's movie "Boxer" was an inspirational story of how a no-hoper becomes a champion boxer---with his coach being a monkey whom Mithun-da feeds bananas. Stallone lifted the concept for "Rocky" (sans the monkey---that would have been a giveaway) and the song "Eye of the Tiger" is nothing if not an implicit acknowledgement of having copied from the real Bengal Tiger.

In another movie "Aajgar" Mithun plays a Shaolin monk who learns some amazing move with his hands---he does not even need to touch the villains---they fall nonetheless on account of his knowledge of the "force" (wink wink---sound familiar?).

And then in another movie, he suspends himself mid air and kicks the enemy in super slow mo-----yes the precursor of "Matrix" which incidentally should have been called "Mithun Tricks".

In the movie "Panther" (or it could have been "Cheetah'') He plays the role of an assassin who is coming out of a state of amnesia. Bourne Identity anyone?

Finally, his movie--"Agniputra". In that, the villains have kidnapped his mother and sister and the villains gloat over the mother's dead body. Suddenly the mother gets up and starts bashing the villains to pulp. Then the "mother" removes her mask---it is Prabhuji ! In the audience must have been John Woo---MI2 was born.

Another thing that pains the Man is how many of His physics-defying antics have been appropriated by Rajanikant. Now all Mithun-bhakts have respect for Rajni but surely, splitting a bullet into two with a knife and killing 2 villains with one bullet was first done by Mithun-da in the movie "Heera" where He gave the line : " Mere naam hain Heera, chakoo se bullet ko cheera".

In a similar situation, I once remember Mithun-da running when a villain fires a bullet. What follows is a breathless chase---bullet flying, Mithun-da running, bullet flying, Mithun running. Then when the bullet is gaining on Him, Mithun-da suddenly steps aside and the bullet passes Him by a whisker. Only then does He realize the bullet is going to hit His widowed mother. Now it is Mithun running, bullet flying, Mithun running, bullet flying. And at the last moment, He grabs the bullet and saves His mother.

Simply divine.

I could go on about Him---how He coined the term Disco (which in case you did not know is an acronym with D=dance, I=item, S=singer, C=chorus, O=orchestra--source "I am a Disco Dancer" from "Disco Dancer"), how He is the only person to have been a Naxal as well as a Shiv Shainik, how He has a massive fan following in Russia, how He almost married Sridevi, how He was the highest tax payer in India and how He inspired India's 21st century economic prosperity with the inspirational line "Agar tujhe halwa khana hain, to tujhe dance karna parega. Dance dance" ----but I shall leave that for now.

Because it is now time for prayers.

Prabhu-ji ki Jay Ho !

Can you feel the love?

Mooing On....

Some good news on the sports front. Our Bangalore Lions have won the first of the best of three finals of the Premier Hockey League. I am not a hockey buff, nor do I have any inkling about the rules of the game. But the IHF (Indian Hockey Federation) had hit bulls eye with this tournament, which follows a format radically different from that of normal hockey. for starters, foreign players are allowed to participate. The card system is also followed. The biggest shift is the presence of 4 quarters of play, rather than the classical two halves and the option to take a time-out. Lets hope all these changes in the game make it more interesting for the players and viewers alike. It's time we started paying attention to games other than cricket.



Fed-Ex never seems to run outta steam. Now before you think that I'm talking about the courier company, let me tell you that it's Roger Federer that I'm referring to. He now has one 3 consecutive Grand Slam titles, with just the elusive French Open out of his grasp. What with Rafael Nadal struggling with injuries, seems like Federer is the best bet this time, to lift the trophy at Roland Garros. I hope to see a RogerSlam this time around. Go Federer!



Radio City 91FM seems to be losing steam. Not only has the standard of shows deteriorated, I even get a feeling that the RJ's have become a little too pompous. It does not augur well for the first private entertainment radio channel of the country, specially when the airwaves in Bangalore are opening up and people can just flip from one station to another, which hasn't been the case till now.

More later....Thats all for now. The Holy Cow has mooed!

Rang De Basanti - * * * * *

is par bhi na khaule jo vo khoon nahi vo paani hai
jo desh ke kaam na aa saki, bekaar vo jawani hai

A generation has awakened.

Never before have I seen such as stunning response for a movie that everyone initially thought was a comic caper with 5 friends indulging in romance and parties. I went into the movie hall, paying double the price of the movie ticket, hoping that it wouldn't be an encore of Mangal Pandey. I am happy to say that all my fears were unfounded, and the movie was worth every paisa i paid.

Rang De Basanti is about making a choice. A choice, whether you want to live life accepting everything around you, no matter how bad, or standing up to what is wrong, and making the world a better palce to live in. The main protagonists of this movie make the latter. And there in lies the plot of Rand De Basanti, the metamorphosis of these carefree, "i-give-a-damn-about-my-country" guys into people with a conscience, who beleive standing up for the truth, for the country.

It all begins with a Brit documentary maker, Sue (Alice Patten), coming to India to make a movie about the revolutionaries of the Independence war. Though she is refused assistance by her bosses, she comes down because she feels she owes it to her grandfather, an officer in the British Army, who has wriiten about revolutionaries like Bhagat SIngh, Chandrashekar Azad etc in his diary. First hand accounts and conversations, no less.

Though charged about her mission intially, she begins to lose hope when she, along with Sonia (Soha Ali Khan) doesn't find the right people to play the roles of the revolutionaries. The youth of our country just can't get themselves to live the roles of the heroes who laid down their lives for a better future for their country, but can do a Dev Anand or a Stallone! But a meeting with Sonia's friends convinces her that they are perfect for the roles, and convinces them to do it. Later, Laxman Pandey (Atul Kulkarni), the hindu fundamentalist also joins the cast.

What happens afterwards forms the rest of the story, which I cannot divulge, purely for the reason that I beleive everyone should get to watch this movie and learn for themselves.

Performance wise, this movie rocks. All the characters in this movie are beleivable. Aamir Khan as Daljit Singh aka DJ is a scream. Soha Ali Khan reaffirms my faith in the inheritance of genetic traits. Kunal Kapoor (of Meenaxi infamy..till now at least) is decent as Aslam, the poet of the group. Siddhartha is a surprise packet, playing the brooding and caustic Karan with just the right intensity. Atul Kulkarni, as the patriotic Hindu fundamentalist with principles gives a stellar performance. But all the kudos to Sharmaan Joshi, who plays the immensely likeable Sukhi, whose only fear in life is that he'll die a virgin! Alice Paten is good. So are the charcter actors Kiron Kher, Anupam Kher and Om Puri.

I have to thank Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra for this incredible movie that he has dished out. The lyrics by Prasoon Joshi are something that the youth of today can identify with. As for the music, need i say more? That it's scorching all the countdowns speaks enough about AR's effort.

I have already sen this movie twice. I'm gonna watch it at least two more times. After all, such movies are very rare in Bollywood. Paint me Yellow. This one get 5 stars from me

The Movie Theater that is my house

Well, I was supposed to put in a post about the political situation in Karnataka...but i'll postpone it for later. Writing about such stuff just gets me all angry and frustrated.

My DVD collection is goin great guns and i'm doin an average of 3 DVD purchases a week. Here is a list of movies that I have watched over the last coupla weeks. Mind you, some of these movies you would have never even heard of, but these gaurantee total entertainment

Goodfellas



This movie was rated the best movie of all time on a poll sometime ago, beating the VonTrapp family (The Sound of music ....I wouldn't know) and even The Godfather (sacrilege). Though the movie's great, with sterling performances from DeNiro and Ray Liotta, and Joe Pesci, this mob drama is not a patch on the prior mentioned classic. But a great watch nevertheless.

Scarface



Two words. Tony Montana. Pacino's stunning display of histrionics leaves me baffled as to why he did not get an Oscar for this role. Directed by Brian De Palma, screenplay by Oliver Stone (now a superb director in his own right), this movie stands out for the fact that there isn't a single postive character.

Carlito's Way



Pacino again. This time around he plays a former drug runner trying to go straight. Carlito Brigante, the Peurto Rican mob man is brought to life by Pacino's powerful yet underplayed performance. Well supported by an ensemble cast.

Frankie and Johnny



By now, you guys must've guessed I have a Pacino Special DVD. But this one's crap. The only saving grace is an ethereal Michelle Pfieffer. Gary Marshall, director, of Pretty Woman and Runaway Bride fame gives us a dud.

Heat



One of the greatest casts i have seen on screen. Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, Val Kilmer, Charlize Theron get together in this movie, to give us one of the best heist dramas of all time. This movie is not as much about the heist as it is about DeNiro and Pacino trying to out-do and out-think each other. Directed by Michael Mann, this is one of the must watches.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory



A charming departure from all the above mentioned movies. This is about a poor kid Charlie, who gets a chance to visit the Chocolate Factory, owned by the eccentric and reclusive Willy Wonka (played delightfully by Johnny Depp, who apparently based this character on Michael Jackson). If this sounds too mundane for you, well, you're greatly mistaken. Because when Tim Burton and Johnny Depp get together for a movie, it's pure magic on screen. And yes, the Oompa-Loompa's are played by an Indian. Now there's a patriotic reason to watch this movie.

Layer Cake



One of the more stylish mob dramas I have seen. Matther Vaughn (Guy Ritchie's erstwhile partner) dons the directors mantle this time, with Daniel Craig (the new James Bond) playing the narrator (un-named throughout the movie). Very stylish, very classy. And yes, the incredibly hot Sienna Miller makes a fleeting appearance.

Sarkar



The best Hindi movie of 2005. Thre are no rights or wrongs. Ther is only power. Need I say more? The best performance ever by Amitabh (according to me at least), terrific backgrond music and a tight narrative, Ram Gopal Varma scores big time with this crime/power epic, which he terms as his tribute to The Godfather.

Maria Full of Grace



I have written a post earlier after i read it's screenplay. But I am equally moved by this movie. The movie tilte says it's based on a 1000 true stories. By the way, this won a Golden Globe for Best Foriegn Language movie.

Green Street Hooligans



A movie about football violence in England. Elijah Wood plays a Harvard student, who takes the fall when his room mate gets caught with drugs. He flies to England to be with his sister and her husband, when he is introduced to the heady world of Football Hooliganism by his brother-in-laws brother, where violence gives him an incredible but dangerous high. Great movie, with splendid performances.


Well, thats all for now. But i'll keep posting more about the movies that I watch. The Holy Cow has mooed on.

Moving On

Hooray...now there's another song which I can continuously keep lstening to, without tiring of it. I wonder what it is about songs speaking of loneliness that attracts me to them. Sure as heck, I'm not the lonely types, but anyways, this song's called "Yeh Hai Meri kahaani" (This is my story) from the movie Zinda. It goes something like this:

This is my story
Of my silent lonely life
The silence speaks to me
Asking me why I bear these injustices

A story very old
Told in the language of loneliness
Every wound of mine is flowering
And it says something to me

I choose from an offering of thorns
I stay alive when I'm surrounded by collapsing walls

Moving on, I found a pic of my class from PUC on the web, and it brought back a flood of memories from the best two years of my student life.



I will soon post my comments about the political turmoil happening currently in our state. Watch this space for more

Trainspotting - Irvine Welsh

Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholestrol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisureware and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourself.Choose your future. Choose Life

Jingle all the way

Radio Jingles are now turning out to be more addictive than the noise our esteemed music diectors seem to create these days. Here's a list of my favorite jingles, in no particular order :

Puravankara Homes : Easily the most catchy tune that runs on radio. The fact that it's on every 30 minutes also helps. I find myself humming the tune everytime it's played.

Mantri Homes : Lets go home, the singer wails. Well, he's got me hooked. But i really dont think i can afford one in Mantri.

Maruti Alto : Ok, this one's a Kannada translation of the original hindi song that plays on the telly. But it's actually beautiful, if you try and make sense of the lyrics.

Ford : There are two reasons this is on the list :
1. It's quite intelligent rapping that sells it as a "Bangalorean" car.
2. It mentions "Bannerghatta Potholes"
Smart selling, if you ever need an example.

Elita Promenade : The builders of Bangalore are back. Guess it's an indication of how rapidly Bangalore is growing.

Nokia/Reliance : I am not sure which brand this jingle sells (goes to show that jingles are more popular than the brands htey endorse). But "Yeddelu India Yeddelu" is slowly becoming cult classic. Again a Kannada translation of a hindi song.

All said and done, my favorite ad on radio is one without a jingle. Spice telecom had hit bulls eye with it's advertisement campaign and slogan "Everyone likes to talk"...Couldn't be simpler and more crisp. My personal favorite : the one with the mechanic....Has me in splits everytime.

Welcome to the new year

I wish everyone a very happy and prosperous 2006. May all your dreams and wishes come true. May you never lose a loved one, may you add more more into that fold.

Well, it's another year, life goes on..... I have a lot of grand plans for this year. The biggest resolution i have made is to lose 10 kilos minimum by the end of this year. So come 2007, i must weigh no more than ** kilos (hah suckers...did you really think i'd let the secret out!)

T'is also the year for me do a lot of introspection. I am somewhat ashamed to say that I still haven't found the true calling of my life. Of course, i have a good job which i enjoy a lot, I am surrounded by people I love, and those who love me back. But somehow, somewhere, it just doesn't fit into the larger picture. I hope i an figure out what it is I really want to do.......If i do not, then Software Engineering it is.

The first day of 2006 saw me making some purchases for myself (nothing like self indulgence to make a greedy soul happy!)....And all of these purchases happened to be dvd's. I am well and truly on my way to having a great collection. This is one thing i hope to build upon in the coming year.

2006....I somehow have a good feeling about this year. Hope everything works out.

Dear Coppers....You suck!

The recent terror attacks in Bangalore have left me shocked. I always used to think that Bangalore will remain a safe haven, free from any sort of terrorist attacks. But i couldn't have been more wrong. I just pray that this does not open the floodgates to future attcks.

The time is now apt for us to review our security, or rather to be more specific, our security forces. The police, in their present form and mode of operation, are a joke. Give any constable who stops you on the road 50Rs, and he'll let you off with a smile. The guns these guys carry are no match for the hi-tec automatics the terrorists own. Can we hope for proper protection from these jokers??

I am led to beleive that the intelligence network of Indian Security Forces is very vast and solid. But all that seemed to be of no help when a lone maniac opened fire in the holy grail of Indian Science education. Of course, it cannot be of help. People who are motivated by religion are very hard to stop. But letting this guy get away was by itself a serious lapse on behalf of the forces. There has been talk about the Bangalore police being forewarned about possible terror strikes. But sadly, no attention seems to have been paid to it. If this kind of scenario continues, then Bangalore will become the softest target for terrorists.

One last word about cops...this time the Traffic cops....Biggest bunch of cheapos.
Well, most of them at least, and they spoil the name of those who work honestly. You wont find one cop in an area where there is a jam...but you'll find dozens in the middle of some other busy road, catching hold of people and finding one pretext or another to fine them (This fine does not fill the coffers of the government...Instead it pays for the personal betterment of the cop)