Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Affirmation - Savage Garden

As is my wont, I suffer from writers block sometimes. A sureshot way to keep blogging in such a case is to write about a song I like. The song below is by a group called Savage Garden (of course, they've now split and the lead singer Darren Hayes is now a major star in his own right)

When I first heard this song, I couldn't understand what it was about. But the more I listened to this song, the more it began to grow on me. This song speaks about how human nature is to always wants more than what is available, resulting in lack of happiness. Whenever i feel low, I listen to this song. It never fails to cheer me up. I also have a printout of the song stuck on my work desk for precisely this reason.

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument

I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands

I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you

I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do

I believe that beauty magazines promote low self-esteem

I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned

I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned

I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side

I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality

I believe that trust is more important than monogamy

I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul

I believe that family is worth more than money or gold

I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair

I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness

I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed

I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists

I believe in love surviving death into eternity

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned

I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned

I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side

I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

Monday, February 20, 2006

The How to Kill series

how to kill a defence minister


A cycle, preferably the good old Hero Jet, in a dilapidated condition.

One cool gun, which cannot be traced back to you. (if you are in Bihar, then a home made gun will work).

One dirt bike, which should be capable of 0-100 in 4 seconds.

At least 4 other friends who can assist you (after trying to deter you at first).

One corrupt defence minister (note: this works as well for other dirty politicians as well).

1. Place one friend strategically in front of the defence ministers house, early in the morning, just before the DM leaves for his walk, repairing the broken hero Jet. If he's not the rocket scientist of the group, just make sure he knows how to turn the wheel of the inverted bicycle.

2. One friend disguised as a newspaper delivery boy. Make sure he has a coupla glam mags on him, so that the attention of horny security guards of the minister is diverted from the job to things much more exciting.]

3. Go Pillion on the dirt bike with your other friend driving. Drive slow at first, enabling you to take proper aim. Remember, you'll have to take careful aim, as you'll be shooting when you're moving.

4. Shoot and scoot. Use the power of the dirt bike to the max. Ensure you do not get caught in a traffic jam whilst escaping.

There....wasn't it easy? The next one of the "How to Kill" series will be on painless Suicide.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Damn Damn Damn

This had been a day to forget for me. First, I wake up late and come by vehicle (a two wheeler, thankfully, but thats a minor mercy) to office, in chaotic Bangalore traffic. Then i spend 15 minutes in office trying to get that beautiful coat of mud off me. Lunch sucked today. I generally dont mind rice and rasam everyday, but today's rasam wasn't all that great. To top it all off, work has been erratic. Mind you, not beacuse I willed so, but because of forces beyond my control. And to top it all off, my trip to Germany, which was in the pipeline has been postponed. Now, I am not the kind of person who'll rue missing that trip, because I've already been there once, and I know how boring and lonely it can get. It got postponed yesterday, thanks to the delay in getting my Visa, and guess what, yup, one of life's ironies this is....I get my Visa today. Now what I can look forward to is answering the *$^%#@s when they ask me why i'm still in Bangalore, a stinkin' trip back home on a scooter, after a day of frustrating "no-end-achieved" work, eating shitty hotel food and sleeping(this part will be good, hopefully).....

But i'll back, I promise. Until then, Asta La Vista Baby

Monday, February 13, 2006


If there's one book i wouldn't mind reading over and over again, then it is the Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams. Here's what Adams has to say at the beginning of the book :

How to leave the Planet :

1. Phone NASA. Their phone number is (713) 483 - 3111. Explain that it's very important that you get away as soon as possible.
2. If they do not co-operate, phone any friend you may have in the White House - (202) 456 - 1414 - to have a word on your behalf with the guys at NASA.
3. If you don't have any friends in the White House, phone the Kremlin (ask the overseas operator for 0107 - 095 - 295 - 9051). They don't have any friends there either (at least, none to speak of), but they do seem to have a little influence, so you may as well try.
4. If that also fails, phone the Pope for guidance. His telephone number is 011 - 39 - 6 - 6982, and I gather his switchboard is infalliable.
5. If all these attempts fail, flag down a passing flying saucer and explain that it's vitally important you get away before your phone bill arrives.

Wish me Happy Reading.

Friday, February 10, 2006

The Master of the Universe

The Excesses of the Welfare State - A Closer Look

This post is definitely inspired by Rang De Basanti. After watching the movie, a common refrain I heard was, no government on earth will do the things that they got done during a peaceful demonstration. It would be a PR disaster, they said.

But look back into the recent past, then you will see that the state has indulged in such excesses all along. When it does, the memory of it lingers on for a few days. And then, we just forget about it. I wish to present a few instances of "The excesses of the Welfare State" (Thanks to God for helping me out here)

The Karunanidhi Arrest

Well, seeing is believing. Nobody would have imagined that the government was capable of giving out such orders. I clearly remember being disgusted by the scenes that were flashed on TV as the drama had already unfolded. I did not see it live, because I, along with the rest of the world, was sleeping! Even to this day, I fail to understand the motive behind this midnight arrest. A perfect case of a PR disaster, conveniently forgotten.

Operation Majnu

One of the most chauvinistic "Operations" I have ever heard of. In the city of Lucnow, the morality guardians of the city decide that it is improper for a boy and a girl to take walks in a garden. They cannot hold hands, cannot hug each other etc. So what do they decide to do? Humiliate them, in full glare of national media! Reviling, to say the least. To see a woman officer, slapping around innocent teens in such a humiliating fashion made my blood boil. Die in hell, you #@$%&. On a sadder note, a boy and a girl, who were humiliated such during this "Operation" (I still can't get why they cannot launch an operation to check crime. I pay taxes for this reason.) went missing. Hope they're back.

The Honda Factory Case, Gurgaon
I am not sure of what exactly happened here, whether the fight was actually started by the striking factory workers, but the following police brutality would have made Hitler look like a do-gooder. This incident caused wide spread protests against the excesses involved, causing no one lesser than the Prime Minister to intervene. What has happened thereafter, I have no knowledge of. But I hope some action has been taken against the guilty, irrespective of whether they are from the police or from the striking workers.

Student Union Protests in Chennai

Pretty Common, for some student wings of political parties to protest "Commercialization in education". I may have some difference of opinion with them, but I wouldn't bring it out the way the cops did. Sad, this happening in Chennai, which I hold in high regard for the "learned" feeling that it exudes.

What we need is a legislation to curb such excesses. It is sad to see the cops using brute power (obviously under the instructions of the higher-ups) to quell what are generally peaceful demonstrations. But this again is a thorny issue, as most of the strikes that are called by political parties tend to turn ugly at the smallest provocation. This is definitely an issue to ponder over.

I would also like to commend the work of the NHRC (national Human Rights Commission), the watchdog of Human Rights in our country, for their active partaking of investigations that follow after such incidents, and giving an unbiased opinion of the events. Sadly, it is a norm, rather than an exception that the state gets indicted.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Change, the order of the day

I was a toddler, no more than the length of my Dad's arm
I changed into a strapping young man, the tallest in the class

I never used to study much when I was in higher primary
I changed into a mugpot to pass the 10th board exam

I never listened to English music because I couldn't understand it
I changed into a hard rock freak

I had the most perfect hair when I was younger
I changed into a prematurely balding man

I never thought I could live in a different country from my parents
I changed into a lonely son, a whole ocean across

I never expected to have someone I loved to pieces, not from the family
I changed into a committed boyfriend, till death do us part

I never expected to jump jobs so early in my career
I changed to pursue a better offer, albeit with guilt

I never thought I could publish my thoughts on a widely read forum
I changed to write my own blog

I never thought I would change the template of my blog so often
But....I changed it

welcome to the new look

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Only when you've lost everything..

.....are you free to do anything.

This is one of the more famous lines from Fightclub, which set me thinking. Let me analyze this statement in the following way. Take an example of a moderately successful man. He has a salaried job, has made the down payment for his house, is repaying his car loan installments on time.....In short, a model citizen, who forsees no great difficulty, luck willing, in his near future. Now, can you ever imagine this person trying to do something that is out of line from how he currently lives his life. Chances are I'll turn vegetarian before he does that. Why? Because he has a lot at stake here. Why on earth would anybody do something to disturb the fine balance achieved in ones lifestyle? (of course, there might be exceptions, but they are far in between)

Now consider a person opposite to the one mentioned above. Free from all burdens and expectations, with nothing to lose, he can go for broke. Like it's said, when you're right at the bottom of the pit, the only way for you is to go up.

I continue to be amazed by Fightclub.

Mooing on, I have found out that Vijay Krishna stands to make much more than me (theoritically) by helping the whatsisnames of the third world. I feel miserable. How I wish I get a couple more offers! I cant wait to see the light of the day, when I, Vinayak Kini, will be in the blogsphere, the richest man in India. (If Azim Premji can be the richest man based on his stock ownership of Wipro, then I am rich too....Stocks or to-be-made scam money, both of them can be of little value in no time).

I unearthed a little piece of trivia, and will post it as a question. If any of you know the answer, leave a comment behind (with the answer, of course)....You would've seen many movies, where the actors normally use the exclamation "Jesus.H.Christ"! (If you haven't, take my statement to be true...which it is, BTW). The question is, how did the term Jesus.H.Christ come into use?

[Today's Mood] : Doubtful (about getting my Visa)

[Today's Music] : Hoobastank

Monday, February 06, 2006

The Great Nigerian E-mail Scam


My Dearest Kini,

I am sorry for bothering you and please do not be surprised at this mail but I crave your indulgence to just give it fair attention to convince yourself. I am Barr. Charles Ikeji, a solicitor at law. I am the personal attorney to Mark Kini, a foreigner who was an oil merchant here and used to work with Handebull Construction & Oil Services in Nigeria. Hereinafter referred to as my client.

On the 6th of May, 2002 it was reported to us that my Client and his wife were involved in a Local Plane Crash at Kano State,which en route from sokoto to Abuja(the capital city of Nigeria),all occupants in the Plane lost their lives,unfortunately on this same flight were other dignitaries like the former Nigeria Sports Minister and a host of others.

Since then I have made several enquiries to the embassies here to locate any of my client's extended relations, these effort proved unsuccessful. After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to track his last name over the Internet to locate any member of his family hence I contacted you and I feel it is by divine providence that I am contacting you in this matter.

I have contacted you to assist in repartrating the fund valued at US$17 million left behind by my client before it gets confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank , where my late client operated his account. The bank has since issued me a notice, to provide the next of kin or have the account confiscated by their next board meeting. For the fact that I have been unsuccesfull in locating the relatives during these past period of time, I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased and now that I have finally located you, I honestly think it does not matter even if you are not related to my late client or even if you do not bear the same surname with him, the MOST IMPORTANT thing is that you are INTERESTED to execute the matter with me and since he did not leave any record behind even at the bank, will have no problem to convince the bank that you are related to him because it is better for you and me to claim this money than for the bank to seize it as unclaimed.

I will present you to the bank as a COUSIN to my late client and I will secure some necessary legal documents to back up this claim so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you, instead of the bank confiscating the money. I feel the money will be more useful to you and me than the bank. Therefore, on receipt of your positive response, we shall then discuss the modalities for transfer and I will give you the full details.

I have all necessary information and have arranged to process all the relevant legal documents needed to back you up for the claim. All I require from you, is your honest co-operation to enable us see this transaction through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement, that will protect you from any breach of the law and as we progress,you will also have the opportunity to confirm directly from the bank about this deposit. For more privacy of your reply. PLEASE REPLY TO MY PERSONAL EMAIL:charlesmine37@yahoo.com( This email box is strictly confidential) and I will give you telephone number for more details.


Barrister Charles ikeji

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Alcoholism a sin?? Think again ....

Disclaimer : To be taken in a lighter vien only. These sayings may or may not reflect my opinion on any form of alcohol there may exist, depending on whether you're my mum or not.

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

~ Jack Handy

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
I think not."
~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~ Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones
at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

Hockey, The Grammies and BMTC

We are the champions ........ The Bangalore Lions won the second edition of PHL convincingly, defeating the Chandigarh Dynamos 2-1. Read more about it here. What is more heartening is the presence of a 25,000 strong crowd to witness this game. That the partisan crowd returned home disappointed is another issue, but this seems like a revival for the national game. Couldn't have come at a better time, considering the way our Men in Blue are performing right now.

After all the hoopla about Asha being nominated for a Grammy, and wondering why whizkids like AR and his ilk never get nominated, looks like a Buddhist Monk is the best chance for India to bring home one of the more prestigious music awards. Here's the article from the Deccan herald.

Indian Grammy award nominee and Buddhist monk Ngawang Tashi Bapu walks beside a river in Guwahati on Wednesday, prior to leaving for New York to attend the Grammy awards function. Lama Tashi from the Gaden Rabgyaling monastery in Bomdilla, one of the largest Tibetan Buddhist monasteries in the world with over 3,000 monks, has received the nomination for his chanting album Tibetan Master Chants in the Best Traditional World Music Album category.

BMTC started it's Volvo Bus Operations yesterday. With this Bangalore adds yet another feather in it's already owercrowded cap (pun intended), being the first city to have this facility. Pretty sad though, that the entire schedule went haywire on the first day. The authorities promise a better show from today onwards. Let's wait and see if the Volvo idea turns out to be a success, or thanks to the ineptitude of our Babus, remains just a good intention, rather than an idea in practice.

On a more personal note:
Tomorrow I leave for Germany (If my visa arrives on time i.e.). I am not very sure if I'll have the time to blog. But I promise to try updating it regularly.....Wish me Bon Voyage.