Friday, December 29, 2006

Deadlier than the Black Mamba

Remember Chuck Norris? That guy from the Delta Force movie? Walker, Texas Ranger?


What if I tell you that you have missed out on knowing about the greatest man that has ever set foot on earth? Here is a website that gives you a lot of info about Chuck, and mind you, if you laugh at them, you would be doing so at your own peril! has become an internet phenomenon, what with the satirical statements being delivered in a serious tone. In fact, Chuck himself is quite pleased and flattered by this site, and has also listed his favorite facts on the site.

My favorite? It has to be ( 2 of them, actually)

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Check it out...Now!!

B to the A to the B to the A

The Baba we all love and trust so much (mainly because he appears on every channel early mornings doing his yoga thingy) , Baba Ramdev aka Swami Ramdev has called fizzy soft drinks "Toilet Cleaners". Of course, all of you who've got those forwards about how to use the colas as household cleaning items would not be very surprised, but however, the newspapers and the TV guys seem to be getting all excited. Probably they anticipate another Ramadoss-Ramdev kind fight. But this time, Ramdev expresses (more succintly, of course) the same view as Ramadoss. So I guess it will be Shah Rukh or Sachin or any one of those Cola promoters who's gonna take on Ramdev now. That should be more interesting than plain old Anbumani. Or maybe even Mrs.Karat.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

The year celebrities went nuts

Remember Cosmo Kramer? That lovable wierdo from Seinfeld whom we all, well, loved. As it turns out, there isn't a great deal of love flowing the other way round. Michael Richards, the guy who plays Kramer, let loose a racist rant when he was booed on stage during his stand up comedy act. In what can only be described as Kramerian act of foolishness, he cut loose on a few members of the audience, using the N word like a gazillion times before almost the entire audience walked out on him. Watch the video here.

In another incident, Mel Gibson, when stopped for drunk driving, let loose a racist tirade against the Jews, and apparently said that they are the reason for all the wars in the world. A million apologies and an alcohol rehab program later, he now has a number one movie, Apocalypto, under his belt. Of course, the Richards rant, which happened after this incident, took most of the heat off him.

Fresh after separating from loser husband Kevin Federline, Britney Spears hit the party circuit hard, together with socialite Paris Hilton and actress Lindsay Lohan. The hitch? She forgot (i suspect it was intentional) to put on any underwear beneath her short skirt. Not once, but almost everyday, thereby giving the world a glimpse of what they would get to see on a purported sex tape. Guess GWB can learn a thing or two about pre-emptive action from Britney.

I shall now take your leave, but will start digging for dirt on the celebrities closer to home. I am sure there would be something from a guy with a bare chest fetish and the others of his ilk. Till then, keep your eyes open.

....And beware.

Bye Bye Fatty

Shane Warne has announced his retirement from international cricket after the current Ashes series. The Aussie leg spinner is calling it quits after a long and successful tenure in the national team.

Shane Warne will be remembered for a lot of things, mainly the "Ball of the last century" (or so it was claimed by a semi-senile Aussie Commentator). Also as the guy who rejected claims of him having slept with a 1000 women. Also as the guy who slept around with any woman in his vicinity even when he was married, which makes the forementioned denial all the more perplexing! Also as the first cricketer to be suspended for doping, and then blaming his mum for everything. Also as the guy who got a bunch of money to quit smoking, but didn't.

All his off-the-field antics apart, he will remain an all time cricketing great and one of the major contributors to the revival of the art of leg spin. Take a bow, Mr Warne.

The year in review...Almost

Here I am, after a long, unforced break from blogging. It's not like there hasn't been stuff happening that prevents me from blogging, but when blog-laziness creeps in (coupled with a tight workload) , well.... you get the picture.

2006 will remain a watershed year for me for many reasons. But I guess it'll serve my purpose better if I write about it in different posts. At least then I'll have lots to write about...

The keyboard, till then, remains mightier than the sword...

Monday, October 30, 2006

The World through my t(a)inted glasses

Here's an idea. I go at 3:45 am to Hotel Empire, ask for food, get denied and thereafter create a scene, break a few window panes and basically make a colossal ass of myself. Will anyone say "Boys will be boys, just let it be"????!!! Sheesh! It just makes my blood boil to see the law being implemented differently, just because this moron happens to be the son/grandson of the biggest land grabbers of the state! It just gets richer, when our CM makes reference to a deep rooted political conspiracy to oust him and his family from power. At least he did not complain about the videshi haath!

In related news, te enfant terrible gave his first interview ater the infamous incident, and claimed that he was in fact preparing himself for his new career as powerful-and-rich-man's-son-who-thinks-he's-untouchable. He claimed that a talk with Manu Sharma and the under fire Santosh Kumar gave him the inpiration pull off the act in question. When asked if he regretted his actions, he counter questioned by asking "Do you think the chicken crossed the road?" and then proceeded to scratch his face. The reporters were reminded of the stark resemblance between the villian in every rape scene in Hindi movies and Gowda Jr, who also claimed that he was working on his technique for the same. Giving round reason for his choice of career, he said "Daddy has promised me full immunity from anything I do and lots of pocket money. After all, one has to spend tax money somewhere. " Last heard, all nightspots of Bangalore were enquiring with the firm that makes bulletproof glasses for VIP cars to see if they could procure some for their premises. Pepper spray sales were also soaring after this conference, with everyone expecting the little devil to be a bigger nuisance than was expected of him. The press conference was ended with the proud daddy saying "I screw the entire state figuratively, my son promises to do it literally...."

Saturday, October 07, 2006


This is shocking!! I just hope that this does not affect the working of BPO's from India.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Nike has just done it !

This commercial had to come out sooner or later. Guess who's the guy featured in it? It's not too difficult :)

At least Matterazzi can laugh at himself. A big cheer to him....

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

One Bundh, Two Movie Reviews and some Cricket

First things first...
Finally, I blog from home!!

A near total bundh in Bangalore ensures that almost all IT companies call off work and declare one Saturday as a working day. Hence, I stay a home with absolutely nothing to do. In an act meant to cause serious boredom to all people of the city, the Cable operators decide to screen only Kannada channels throughout the day. Well, that's for the rest of the society. Me having a digital set top box means I get all the channels, irrespective of the fact whether Belgaum belongs to Karnataka or not.

I managed to finally watch Cinema Paradiso, a long time after i bought the DVD. I have to say it was a fantastic film, a tad longer than it should have been, but leaves you with moist eyes nevertheless. It's a moving story of a friendship that forms between little Salvatore (Toto) and Alfredo, the guy who operates the projector in the local cinema hall, Cinema Paradiso. Salvatore absolutley loves the movies, and Alfredo is kind enough to teach him everything he wants to learn. There begins a remarkable journey of the coming-to-age of Salvatore. I would recommend it to all of you as a must watch! This, by the way, was the winner of the best foriegn language film in the 1989 Oscars, and deservedly so.

Another movie that I saw was Coffee and Cigarettes. To be honest, when I first saw it, I was quite puzzled with the movie. So, I saw it again. And I thought it was absolutley frickin' hilarious! The movie consists of some 10 short stories (with no real purpose, really), all of them in no way connected with each other. And the characters in each movie, mostly two people, sit and discuss stuff over Coffe and Cigarettes. Some of the stories are downright hilarious (you should appeciate deadpan humor for that, the kind you would encounter in everyday life), a couple boring, and the last one, haunting. Recommended, only if you have a taste of not-over-the-top movies, subtle humor etc...

Cricket was played. 5 guys and an entire morning to waste equals fun with cricket. Thankfully, the skills with the ball remain, but some work needs to be done to regroup the skills with the bat. However, there was lot fun had, what with the constant bickering, futile "Gimme one more chance" requests and empty boasting.

The Holy Cow has mooed.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Cinema Hall Memories - 1

Drive-In: Bangalore's only Drive In theater, which was aptly called, what else, Drive In. It was a massive place, almost as big as (in area)Chinnaswamy Stadium. The screen was huge, maybe 3 to 4 times the screen we have in Multiplexes today. And they unfailingly played hits that were more than a year or two old. When I went, i think, in 1989, they were playing Naam. The theater was deserted, except for a few stray cars parked next to the loudspeaker. (You had parking docks, with each parking dock having it's own speaker). Though the movie itself was pretty shitty (we walked out, nay, rode out :) of the theater after 20 minutes or so) the experience was amazing for a kid like me, back then. Imagine sitting in a stadium like arena (We went in on a scooter, and had to take our seats in an area which was no different from the steps we have for spectators in stadiums) to watch a movie. Far out!

Named after one of the most brilliant film personalities of the Kannada Film Industry, it was where I saw my first movie (in a hall i.e.). I watched Prema Loka and was just thrilled by the experience of watching all the action unfold on the big screen. Though it was one of the premier theaters of bangalore earlier, saldy, today it remains in a state of un-use and neglect from quite some time.

Friday, September 22, 2006

What were you thinking???

There are these instances in life, when you do something that seems right for the moment, and later you think about it, and ask yourself "What the f**k were you thinking??"

I have been through a million such moments when I've done something incredibly stupid, which I thought would be a good idea, but in hindsight, it seems like I had overestimated my ability to think spur of the moment.

For all of those who have been affected by my actions at such instances, a BIG sorry...

And to those, whose quick thinking got me out many a jam, a BIGGER thank you...

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

A Smattering of Everything

Ho Hum...Life has been quite a big bore of late. There's nothing much happening either personally or professionally. But a lot more is expected on the personal front sometime soon, so I still wait with bated breath.

Anyways, I have now become a pretty regular gymmer. To my amazement, I manage to put in a solid 30 minutes on the treadmill before heading on towards the more mundane exercises. Of course, these gym visits are not to develop Schwarzenegger type muscles, but rather to lose the more than excess flab around my waist. Hopefully there will be some improvement (or is it loss?) to show after around a month or two I guess.

I happened to catch 3 movies; Yun Hota toh Kya Hota, ..And Justice for All and Aishwarya over the weekend. The first one was the best. I thought YHTKH was a very well crafted movie. Unlike most of the in-your-face Bollywood movies, this one lets the story develop beautifully without seeming rushed and the end leaves you quite amazed at the deftness with which the director Naseeruddin Shah has pulled off quite a feat. I also finished reading John Wright's book on the time he spent in India, aptly titled Indian Summers. Quite an interesting read this, considering that Wright was the first Insider from Outside. Some of the anecodotes are downright hilarious and the way he has presented his 'boys' is totally different from the advert superstar symbols that we know them as.

A birthday gift coupon from my employer (Yes, it was my birthday quite recently) saw me going to Landmark to do some shopping. It was after a really long time that I was shopping in Landmark, and to my dismay, I spent more time standing in the billing queue than in actually shopping for stuff. Picked up a copy of The Mystic Masseur, bought two tapes, Tom Petty and the Heart Breakers and Jillunu Oru Kaadhal, the latter being A.R's latest offering in Tamil (one rocker of a song called 'New York' in this album, the reason why I bought it). Anyways, I have decided to henceforth visit Landmark only when I have the time to squat in a corner and read an expensive book which I'll never buy for free. Speaking of expensive books I'll never buy, Landmark has a hardbound edition of all the Calvin and Hobbes comic strips ever, and it costs just 5 grand. I'm willing to accept it as a belated birthday gift. Every year I get more and more shameless.

Like they say, that's that. Watch this space for more updates. the Holy Cow has mooed.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Express Yourself...

Say Yes
Say No
Say Something
Say Nothing
Speak Up
Speak out
Be heard

Ironically, I am speechless right now. One of the best Indian ads. Ever.


I'm going on a Patriotic trip here...but the sheer intensity of emotions that it arouses in me is just too incredible not to share with you guys...

The real Vande Mataram turns a 100 today.

Jai Hind!

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Lage Raho Munnabhai - A Review - * * * *

Every once in a while comes a movie that inspires to me to brave extra long ticketing lines and sad-arse weather to watch it again. It was some time ago, when Rang De Basanti did it. Now, it's this movie which really deserves an encore watch.

Based on the characters created in the previous movie Munnabhai MBBS, Lage Raho Munnabhai not only makes you laugh out in joy, smile goofily, shed a tear on more than one occasion, but it also sends out a very apt social message without being preachy. No mean feat, that!

Sanjay Dutt reprises his role as Munnabhai, a goon-with-a-golden-heart and this time, he falls for the lissome RJ Jhanvi, played by the winsome Vidya Balan (her very very Indian looks have my heart aflutter. The last time I fell so hard for a movie herione was Manisha Koirala in the movie Bombay. That itself warrants a much longer post and I'm digressing, so let's get on with the matter in hand). Aided by the always-by-his-side sidekick Circuit (Arshad Warsi), he proceeds to win her heart in the way he knows best. By making someone else do the hard work for him. Vintage Munnabhai, innit? But before you thinkt hat it goes pretty much the same way as the earlier movie, there's anothe character in the movie who changes pretty much everything you expected from the movie. (You don't need to be a genius to realise who the character is, if you've watched the promos. If you haven't, then watch the shape of the clouds in the background in the poster above. If you still don't get it, look into a 100 ruppee note. If you still don't, then google for Mahatma Gandhi).

That's it. I'm not giving away anything else about the movie. You really must rush to the nearest theater and give it a dekko. You'll realise that it's worth every paisa you've spent on it. Fun and clean entertainment for the entire family, this.

Performance wise, this movie has all actors playing what is probably the best performance they have essayed so far. Sanjay Dutt is absolutely lovable as Munnabhai. Vidya Balan has luminous screen presence, to be rivalled only by Madhuri Dixit walking down the stairs in that gorgeous blue dress in Hum Aapke Hain Kaun. But hold your horses. Stop Press. There are not one, but two star performers in this movie. Boman Irani is the lesser of the two, essaying his phot-crazy Lucky Singh character with just the right blend of humor and villainy. You actually never get round to hating his character. But all the praise is to be heaped on Arshad Warsi, for playing Circuit only like he can. This guy is one of the best comedic actors in the country right now, and this performance just re-inforces this belief. He is just incredible, be it Senti-Circuit, Drunk-Circuit or fawning-upon-bhai Circuit.

Watch it. Period.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Guess who's joined the Elite Copycat League?

For me, the two (un)distinguished members of the league have always been Bappi Lahiri and Anu Malik. Now, Pritam lays claim for making a grand entry into that league.

As per the Wikipedia Entry,

Pritam's music is catchy and is very popular with younger listeners. However, he has often been criticised for plagiarism. Pritam counters that he is simply "inspired" by various musical sources and cites his sources whenever appropriate.

Typical Copycat Behavior, innit? While Anu Malik and Bappi were stupid to lift directly from the biggest hits of their time, Pritam plays it clever by lifting tunes from music that us Indians would not have much exposure to. Here are a few samples.

Ya Ali (Gangster):

When I reviewed the Gangster soundtrack, I reserved special mention for this song, saying it was the best track of the album. Well, here's the original (Thanks, YouTube!). Composed by a Kuwaiti (or from some other arbit Arab country, I am unsure) group called Guitara (which, it looks like, faced a cash crunch while making the video), it "inspired" Pritam into making a song which sounds eeriely like it. Pbhhtt!

Kya mujhe Pyaar Hai (Woh lamhe):

This song is shaping up to become a massive hit, in the lines of Tu Hi Meri Shab Hai (waitaminnit, is this a flicked tune too?? Will Investigate and put up a post). This one's "Inspired" by the song "Tak Bisamah" by an Indonesian group PeterPan

Bheegi Bheegi (Gangster):

Maybe I can cut him slack here. The song is attributed to Mohiner Ghoraguli bandleader Gautam Chatterjee on the album cover. If only he did this with every song that he got "inspired" by. Listen to the original Bengali version here.

Update: My suspicion turned out true. Even "Tuhi Meri Shab Hai" is a lift. Download the original here

Update 2: This is a great place to find out more about plagarism of music in the Indiam Film Industry. Songs that I never thought/realised were lifted from other sources turned up here! Enjoy!!

Monday, August 07, 2006

The Opa Tudo Bom phenom

Boy, I still can remember the day. I was, as I generally do in office, sitting like Thalaiva on my seat and earning my bread and butter. All of a sudden there's a buzz in the office. I can see people converge to a point, all of them chattering excitedly. Some look disturbed, some downright pale. Like something important had happened. Important, but more frighteningly, BAD. Like i learnt when I joined the group, Orkut had been blocked in office. First there was Shock ("What??Why??Where??"). Then there was Denial ("No f*****g way. Must be some temporary network problem."). Then finally sorrow, as I resigned to my Orkutless fate (" What will I do in office now???")

Till a few days/weeks back, we were quite smug in this part of the software world, that Orkut was not blocked in our office, you see. Damn right and decent of our IT guys, we thought, to allow us our leisures in between our generally hectic work (or vice versa). Till all our dreams came crashing down.

There a few things about being a software engineer. We have at least 2 messengers (to keep in touch), an Orkut account (to keep in touch), an e-mail program running constantly (to keep in touch) and some also keep a blog (those are the evil ones). As most of us would know, Orkut is now the "in" thing these days, even more popular than the messengers. And imagine sitting in office (note: there has been no mention of work) for a whole 8 hours without as much peeping into the hot girls profile who has pictures loaded in her album!!

The reason for all of this?? Some Portuguese speaking idiot decided it would be fun if he created some sort of a virus which would soon be all over Orkut. And some other idiots (both those who speak Portuguese and don't) decided clicking on the link would not be such a bad idea. And before you could say Orkut Bouyukotten (or wassissname again?), "Opa Tudo Bom" became more popular than "Whats for lunch?" in our office.

As faces fell, and mails were sent out to other friends about forced Orkut exile, there was the proverbial ray of light that shimmered in..It was possible to Orkut after all (look, it's a verb now). In a mails that came in from the battle-scarred-Orkut-veterans of other companies, it dawned upon the newly deprived that they would not be so deprived after all. It was possible to Orkut via proxy sites after all. And we could still stay in touch with our near and dear ones and maybe look at the occasional photo album (hot girls only) [At this point, the author wishes to state that he did not indulge in proxy browsing of orkut. Nor did he recommend it to anyone else. He used his home computer to browse Orkut.] The feeling of Euphoria that swept through office is hard to describe. Imagine a situation where a man dying of thirst is given Bisleri Water. Of course, it comes with pesticides in it, but it'll still save your life, won't it?

Now, Orkut is back in office. Nope, not just via a proxy, but directly through the Orkut URL itself. And everyone around me (me included) are happy with the development. After all, no red blooded Indian would like being Opa Tudo Bom(bed). We need our daily dose of Orkut to lead a proper and healthy life. It's the indian way, and I'll be darned if we can be suppressed by some malicious link!

Jai Hind!

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Everything there is to know about me..Well, almost

I may end up looking/seeming like a weirdo, but waddaheck...We only live once, and I ain't embarassed of being me.

What is your full name?
Manjeshwar Vinayak Kini

Are you Amercian Or English?
Indian...Proud to be one too.

What are you listening to right now?
Take my breath away - Berlin (Top Gun OST)

What are the last two digits of your phone number?

What was the last thing you ate?
Masala Dosa. Pretty shitty it was too...

If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?
Black. I absolutel adore that color. Seemingly endless.

How is the weather right now?
Very Very pleasant, perfect for cricket.

Last person you talked to on phone?
The cutest girl on earth!

First thing you notice about the opposite sex?
The eyes. Undoubtedly.

Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Yes,, of course. I picked it up myself. And I adore me.

How are you today?
Ill. And in no mood to do constructive work.

Favourite Drink?
Water. Beer comes a close second.

Favourite Alcoholic Drink?
Beer. Undoubtedly Beer.

Favourite Sport?

Hair Colour?

Eye Colour?

Do you wear contacts?

A yonger sister, who keeps yelling at me.

Favourite food?
Andhra Style Chilli Chicken. It's so good, it makes me cry.

Last movie you saw?
In the hall, Omkara.
On my Comp, MI:3
On DVD, Phir Hera Pheri (What crap!)

Favourite Day of the Year?
Any day that can be strategically claimed as a holiday to add upon already declared Public holidays to give me one heck of a long weekend.

Are you too shy ask someone out?
No. Not now at least. But I used to quite shy earlier. Things have changed now.

Summer or winter?
Winter. Undoubtedly. Go to the room, draw all curtains, turn on the fan, and snuggle under the blanket.

Hugs or Kisses?
Kisses. Period. :P

Chocolate or Vanilla?
Chocolate. An aphrodisiac, ain't it???

Who is most likely to respond?

Who is least likely to respond?

What books are you reading?
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
The Sin City comics.

What's on your mousepad?
The mouse. Duh.

Favourite board game?

Favourite Smell?
The smell of earth, after the first rain. Also my mum's pepper chicken..

Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
I actually tried this right now! Heck, I can't.

Favourite flower?
Err...Dont know..Poppy, maybe?

What's the first thing you think when you wake up?
Who is today? What is I?

What's the time?
It's the time to disco...

Viinu. Lets not get vulgar here now.

Ever been so drunk you blacked?
Never. And dont intend to either.

Been in a car accident?

Been hurt emotionally?
Yes. Forty Trillion times.

Kept a secret from anyone?
Shitloads of 'em.

Wanted to hook up with a friend?
Yes. Many friends (female of course)

Cried during a movie?
Not during a movie, but during a TV show. I was the Wonder Year, and Kevin's leaving the classroom after giving the Math test Mr. Collins has set for him just before he died. And he turns back to see Mr Collins sitting on his desk and says "Good Job Mr Collins". Tears came.

Had a crush on a teacher?

Ever thought an animated character was hot?

Had New Kids on The Block Tape?

Been on stage?
Yes. Total Embarrasment all 3 times.

Fav Movie?
Fighclub. But I cannot talk about it. I'll be breaking the rules then.

Fav Subject?
None. I generally hated all subjects.

Fav person you talk to online?
Err..I dont normally talk online.

Do you have boyfriend/girlfriend?

Like anyone?
Yes. Women, mostly.

Who have you known the longest of your friends?

Who's the shyest?

Who's the weirdest?

Who would you go for advice?
No one. I do what I think is best.

Who do you cry with?
Kevin Arnold mostly. Otherwise by myself.

Worst feeling?
When I flunked english in school. Pain turned to relief when I found out it was tabulation error.

Favourite word?

I tag Vijay Krishna. Should be fun..

Progressive Boink

Progressive Boink is one site that people need to visit more often. For people who have an interest in movies, TV shows, cult classic cartoon strips i.e.

You'll find it worth the while. And here's a link to the best CnH strips (I think it's the 20 best), just for starters

Monday, July 31, 2006

Two Movie Reviews

Pirates of the Carribean - Dead Man's Chest : ****

Whoa! Thank god, for Captain Jack is back...and how! This is one movie I had been waiting for since quite some time, ever since it was revealed that there were 2 sequels in the making. And I have to admit that the movie does not disappoint at any level. The CGI, the performances, the one liners, all of them rock. And to make things better, we have a cracker of an ending, which promises much excitement in the final installment of the movie.

The entire movie hinges on Johnny Depp, and the character he has made so memorable. He relives his turn as Captain Jack Sparrow with much aplomb, carrying away all the applause even this time around. Orlando Bloom as Will Turner and Keira Knightley as Elizabeth Swann are also good. So is the CGI character Davy Jones. In fact, he's downright creepy. Gore Verbinski, who before these Pirate movies, made Mousetrap and The Mexican has his hands right ont he audience's pulse this time. All in all, a great watch. (I saw this movie in Symphony, where the morning show costs 50 bucks for a Balcony seat...Makes it even more worth the while! Maybe I'll watch it again.)

Omkara : ***

I am slightly confused by this movie. Performance wise,t his movie is great. Saif Ali Khan has never been better, Ajay Devgan regains his Gangajal form and Kareena looks HOT. But the story itself is no great shakes. I mean, i like Shakespearean stuff, but if you think about it, no author could get more "Bollywoody" than old Will. And that is what we get in Omkara, pure Bollywood stuff, but minus all the fluff. Vishal Bhardwaj, the director infuses a grittiness and raw energy into the film, which makes it watchable. Without that, this would just be standard Bollywood fare. All the actors in this movie give very gritty performances. All of them, except for Bipasha Basu, who has two item numbers, and talks with a UP accent so fake that the Queen of England could have done better. So the thing to be asked is, is this the best adaptation of Shakespeare we have seen, in Bollywood? I would like to digress. I think Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak was a better adaptation (of Romeo and Juliet i.e.). Watch it just for the performances, and in a movie hall that doesn't charge much. You won't enjoy the movie much, but you'll sure as hell appreciate it.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Why "The WonderYears" ain't out on DVD yet

Read this to know why.

What a frickin' tragedy. But I guess the show wouldn't make sense without it's awesome background music..

Update : More dirt on The Wonder Years here. Also, the 25 best moments of the show. I dont agree with the sequence, but yes, all of these moments are really touching and sometimes, outright hilarious.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006


The day I never thought would come is finally here. I am not sure if I want to live in Bangalore the rest of my life. At least not with the way it is progressing. Law and Order seems to be a thing of the past, what with the number of muggings and murders just getting out of control. For chryssake, you have more cops shutting down pubs and discos than patrolling the sensitive ring road areas and other mugging havens. What shit!!
Nice time to say our thanks to Mr. Venkatachala, the pro-active Lokayukta, who retired a few weeks back. We shall be grateful for the amazing work you did in exposing all the corruption that has taken root in the system. Sir, I bow to you.
4 movies that merit viewing. And I do not have the time to do justice. Here they are, and any feedback about these movies (spare me the spoilers) is welcome:
- Pirates of the Carribean Dead Man's Chest
- Golmaal
- Yun Hota to Kya Hota
- Cyanide

The last one is a Kannada movie and comes highly recommended to me by some people I know. That's the one I'm looking forward the most to.
From monopoly to intense competition, the radio wars seem to be just gettinghotter. We now have 3 private FM radio stations, together with the Government run FM Rainbow. Come to think of it, I just haven't tuned into Radio City after the other guys came into the picture. I wonder how it is with the others?

More to follow. Stay tuned. The holy cow has mooed.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Poop Names (Warning : Repulsive, but hilarious)

I totally relate to this shit (pun intended). Sourced from

Read On. Enjoy.

The Perfect Dump - Every once in a while, each of us experiences a perfect dump, it's rare, but a thing of beauty in all respects. You sit down expecting the worst, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fartless masterpiece that breaks the water with the splashless grace of an expert diver. But that's not the end of it. You use some toilet tissue only to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right with the world and you are in perfect harmony with it.

The Beer Dump - Talk about nasty dumps. Depending on the dumper's tolerance, the beer dump is the end result of too many beers. it could have been 2 or 22, it doesn't matter. What you get is a sinister, lengthy, noisy dump accompanied by a malevolent fog that could close a bathroom for days.

The Chili Dump - Hot when it goes in, and rocket fuel when it leaves. The chili dump stays with you all day, making your tush feel like a heat shield.

The Cable Dump - Long, curly and perfectly formed like 2 feet of E13 telephone CO-axial cable. It loops lazily around the bowl, like a friendly serpent. You wonder admiringly, "DID I DO THAT? Where did it come from?" you leave the bathroom pleased with yourself.

The Latrine Dump - In case you didn't know, a latrine is a hole in the ground with a tent around it where soldiers, boy scouts and flies go to dump. Tip: Don't ever, ever look in the hole.

The Mona Lisa Dump - This is the masterpiece of dumps. It's as perfectly formed as it can be. Delicate and slender with intricacies that would make da Vinci weep. And just think, you made it yourself. You may even want to break out the Polaroid, but maybe that's going a bit too far.

The Empty Roll Dump - You're reach for the toilet paper only to discover that empty cardboard cylinder. A mild panic begins coldly in your throat. You could use the, someone would say "Where are the curtains?" Then what would you say? The rug?...too cumbersome. Then you must come to the same conclusion that every "empty roll dumper" must face...Pull up your slacks, tighten your tush and wriggle yourself to the nearest full roll.

The Splash Back Dump - You send the dump on its way, it drops like a depth charge into the bowl creating a column of cold bowl water that washes your bottom with a startlingly unpleasant shock. Now you're wet and embarrassed.
Tip: Blot instead of wiping.

The Aborted Dump - You are in mid-dump when the phone rings. What do you do? ABORT! Pinch it off, go for the phone, and save the rest for later. It isn't pretty, but you've gotta do what you gotta do

The Caesarian Dump - Pain, that's what this dump and childbirth have in common. Its simply a case of too much dump trying to go through too small a hole, and there's no obstetrician to help.

The Alfresco Dump - Everyone has had to go outdoors from time to time. This can be a rather pleasant experience really. The open air, the nature, and a good bush all contribute to the peaceful ambiance that our primitive forefathers must have enjoyed. What can screw up this harmonious interlude is a troop of brownies or a patch of poison ivy.

The Childbirth Dump - This is a dump that is simply too big to go through the aperture provided by nature for the purpose. You sit there, thinking over your dilemma. First it hurts, and it isn't going to get any better. You wonder if you'll ever see your loved ones again. You imagine the newspaper headlines screaming "Man dies trying to hatch monster loaf". You realize you'll have to resolve the crisis before you can leave the bathroom. Basically there are only three things you can do:

1. Scream
2. Call an Obstetrician
3. Hope like hell have enough Vaseline to get you through it.

The Tijuana Trot Dump - The phrase "Sh*t Happens" really applies here in a big way. When the ice in your tainted margarita makes contact with your lower intestinal tract, the fun begins. For the next 72 hours you'd be better off if you carried your own portable toilet with you because you will spend most of that time on the pot and the rest of the time in a fetal position. Now you realize why Mexico never had a navy.

The Machine Gun Dump - You're just sitting there in a state of sublime peace when all of a sudden you emit a group of noisy gassy bursts that break the silence like machine gun fire. The guy in the next stall hits the floor like a combat veteran cradling his umbrella like an M16...damn commies.

The Sound Effect Dump - You feel a noisy one coming on. Relatives, friends or work mates are within earshot, so you must employ some clever techniques to cover the disgusting sounds you are about to emit. Timing is obviously very important here. At the precise moment of release, try the following sound effects:

1. Flush the toilet
2. Sing the first two stanzas of your national anthem
3. Drop a handful of quarters on the floor

The Security Dump - You have enough on your mind when you're in the bathroom without worrying about a lockless door and someone bursting in to find you in mid-dump mode. So how can you prevent this embarrassing spectacle from taking place? One way is to strategically place your foot against the door. If you can't reach to do this...hum loudly

The Cling-On Dump - For the most part you've completed your dump, but there's one little morsel that refuses to drop off. You're getting impatient. Someone else wants to use your stall. So, you grip the seat with both hands and wriggle, twist and pump but that last little stubborn piece just hangs there, suspended, clinging like a canned peach between you and the bowl water. Maybe the person pounding impatiently on the door has scissors

The Houdini Dump - You go, then you stand up to flush, and the darn thing has disappeared. Where'd it go? Did it creep down the pipe? Did you dream the whole thing? Is it lurking out of sight? Should you wipe...maybe you should just to make sure you went. Should you flush? you'd better, because if you don't, you know it will reappear and smile at the next person who comes in

The Flu Dump - You feel so bad that you don't know which end of you to put down first. You have roaring cramps, so you sit down. Then a wave of nausea rolls over you like a cold fog, so you stand up and cramps squeeze your intestines like a vice so you sit down again...up down up down. Don't you wish Mom were close by?

The Porta-Pottie Dump - Construction workers and outdoor concert goers will tell you about going in a portable toilet. My best description would be, "Its like taking a shit in an upright coffin". Its claustrophobic and it smells advice...go in a paper cup.

The Proctologist Dump - In the beginning, the lord created the earth, the sky and the firmament, but I hope he didn't create this dump, because there is nothing biblical about it, you run out of gas. That's right, you run out of propulsion. The dump is right there at the end of your barrel and refuses to go any further. You grunt, you squeeze, you wriggle but it just stays there like a lump of lead. You've only got two choices here. One is to squeeze the damn thing back up your intestine and wait until next time. The other is to pretend you're a proctologist and go after it yourself. Not a pretty picture is it??

The Whole Roll Dump - No matter how much you wipe, it doesn't seem to be enough. You blow the whole roll and you have to flush 25 times too. The whole episode is consumer waste.

The Graffiti Dump - You flush the dump and the swirling motion of the receding bowl water forces the dump to the porcelain sides, scraping a creative squiggle on its way down. You flush again but the curlicue hangs it or leave it. Its your choice.

The Encore Dump - Ahhhh, you're done, so you wipe, put yourself together, wash your hands and are about to vacate the bathroom when you feel another dump coming. You have to return for a curtain call. The world's record is seven encores.

The Born Again Dump - This is a dump that's going so badly, you say "Lord, if I live through this, I'll take up religion" you always get through it, but seldom keep the promise you made in desperation, because a born again dump is like forget the pain quickly.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Salaam Bombay

My heart and prayers go out to those affected by the bombings. My salutations to the city whose people have an indomitable spirit. I spit on the face of the higher-ups who have already started blame-shifting and cheap politicking.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Corporate - A Review - *

What shit this movie is. I should've known that what made Page 3 very intriguing was the subject of the story, and not the way it was handled. Of course, the cynicism in that movie was most welcome, but I felt it suffered from a single-viewpoint hangover. Corporate is no better. In fact, it's so much more worse. Bhandarkar tries to ram it into your brain that the Corpoate world is filled with evil geniuses just waiting to pounce and cut the throat of anyone who comes in the way. Also, the subject of the movie just lacks intrigue. But in order to inject some, Bhandarkar resorts to situations like Vice president of a company (played by Bipasha Basu, who can't act to save her life) using a hooker to steal trade secrets of her rival company, crude humor related to Public and Private related enterprises, etc.

Essentialy the story is about the rivalry between two groups of industries, how they try their best to screw and out-do each other. That's it. Reality ends there. The rest of it is a total farce. Like I said Bipasha Basu can't act at all. Kay Kay should stick to roles that give him more range and depth. Rajat Kapoor and Raj Babbar are OK. Minissha Lamba has 5 dialogues in the movie. Sammer Dattani has 2. But the best role of the movie goes to the guy (I dont know his name) who plays the role of the politician (State Minister for Finance).

This movie is a frickin' tragedy. Dont even bother watching. Wait for it to come on TV.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Indian Chinese food

Hindi-Chini bhai bhai claimed Jawahar Lal Nehru, before China did a bit of backstabbing making Nehru eat his words. Poor Nehru, I wonder if he had to give up on Chinese food after this bitter experience.

I would not be totally off the mark if I said that Chinese is the most loved foreign cuisine in India. But wait! We have got our own back at the Chinese. Unhappy with the humiliation heaped on us in the Indo-China war, we have systematically set about vandalizing something the Chinese consider sacred. Their food.

Point in example. Bangalore's all pervading Darshini's. These havens of cheap, clean, healthy local food have gone global (read: Chinese) with a vengeance. Items on Chinese (also at times Chainese, Chayness, Chinise, ..the list goes on and on, but i'm digressing) Menu : Veg Nuddles, eg Fraid Rice, and *trumpets-blowing-for-king-of-'em-all* Gobi Manchurian. The humble cauliflower, which my mom makes such good upkari (a Konkani delicacy) of, is reincarnated, and completely beyond recognition. Notice the not so subtle snub(s) given to Communist ruled China:

1. Red China be damned. We are not scared of you. To prove this, we make our Gobi Manchurian an un-natural red (See, See, the Red Connection...And you guys thought it was just the tomato ketchup!). And we gobble it up, to symbolize that the red dragon can be countered by peace loving, garlic breath oriented mouths.

2. No Gobi Manchurian in China!!! Damn you. Look, we have gone ahead of you already. And you try and divert attention with trivial matters like good infrastructure and stuff.

There are other hidden subliminal snubs, but I would have to spend the whole day typing it out, but I hope, dear reader, you get the point.

So the next time you go and order for that plate of Gobi Manchurian, remember, you are not just indulging your taste buds, but you are also making a statement against Communism, against state sponsered lies and more importantly, saluting the Indian spirit of improvisation, nay, innovation!

Jai Hind

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Dammit, My eyes welled up again

Reason : this.

I had written about the Wonder years before, and I had provided a link to the pilot in there. In the link above, you can see the ending of the finale. It's really sad the show ended. And listen to what Kevin has to say. It just rings so true.

Definitely the best show. Ever.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

A sneak peek into Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna

Shahrukh Khan as Dev Saran

Overtly sensitive, sharp of tongue and cynical Dev Saran has a rather uneasy relationship with the world owing to an unfortunate mishap that turns his dreams upside down.

He is unable to come to terms with the unfairness of life or his handicap and his bitterness only cripples his mind further. He resents his wife, Rhea’s growing success and in the process ends up hating himself for feeling that way. To make matters worse he ends up turning all his anger towards his loved ones. Under these circumstances, Maya enters his life with her own wounds and together they take on a journey to heal each other…

Preity Zinta as Rhea Saran

Confident, savvy and with a strong sense of right and wrong…

Rhea Saran leads a straight forward life where her promises and expectations are clearly chalked out. Her independence is of prime importance to her and she believes in the importance of material luxuries. There are moments when she realizes that she is not playing the traditional role of a wife or a mother owing to her busy career but she refuses to feel guilty about it and strongly believes in her right to pursue success as much as a man. Her belief in her marriage is strong even during its turbulent phase and she tries every means in her power to save it until she realizes the enormity of the situation and is forced to take a stand…

Abhishek Bachchan as Rishi Talwar

Sophisticated, stylish with a gift of the gab, Rishi Talwar, upcoming public relations professional, has inherited his father’s fun-loving nature and his sense of humor.

While his childlike demeanor is endearing, his volatile reaction to situations often cause his wife, Maya to believe that he is childish. He is patient and loving to Maya but is unable to comprehend her complexity especially when it rears its ugly head in the most intimate moments of their personal relationship. His entire being is devoted to Maya and that’s perhaps why he falls apart when exposed to the harsh truth of his marriage…

Rani Mukherjee as Maya Talwar

Beautiful, sensitive and a compulsive cleanliness freak…

Maya Talwar compensates for her inability to have children by teaching in a nursery. Her relationship with her husband Rishi is layered with a lot of self-doubt and question. However, while she is ready to discuss and analyze everything small or big, she fights this area of her life with remarkable silence. She is unable to whip up enough passion for Rishi and is disappointed that her love for him does not match her own expectations of what it ought to be. This dilemma pulls her further apart from him thereby causing a strain on their marital life. To add to this complication, she encounters Dev in whom she finds all the ingredients to fire the passion she lacks in her marriage…

Amitabh Bachchan as Samarjit Singh Talwar

Samarjit Singh Talwar a.k.a. Sam is a flamboyant and fun-loving man who believes in living his life to the fullest.

His life revolves around the happiness of his son, Rishi and daughter-in-law, Maya. And despite indulging in all sensual pleasures, Sam does not lose focus on the ground realities of life and beneath his colorful exterior there lies a wise and sensitive parent who dispenses, at times, brutal but practical solutions to his family.

My Take:

Married Couple 1 having problems. Married Couple 2 having problems. They switch partners and realise that this makes more sense. India's most popular filmstar included to mouth sentimental dialogues on his deathbed. Lots of songs. Lots of crying. More songs and crying. Finally everything ends on a happy note. This movie will beat all records, and will goad Johar into making another similar movie.

Repeat the loop.

Monday, July 03, 2006

Superman - A review - * *

I have a lot of faith in Bryan Singer. After all, he gave us that cult classic called The Usual Suspects, which happens to be one of my all time favorites. It was with this hope, that Singer would deliver on one of the most under utilised comic book franchises, I went to the theater. And I returned disappointed.

Apart from 2 breathtaking sequences :

- The one where superman saves a plane from crashlanding in the middle of a Baseball park.

- The one where he foils a Bank Robbery.

most of the movie is dead boring. Lois Lane, who has moved on since Superman's abrupt departure, has now his love child and an understanding/ready-to-make-sacrifice fiance. How convenient. And the sequence where Superman takes Lois on a cruise in his arms...Lame. Kevin Spacey, probably hindered by the single dimension of his role as Lex Luther is horrific. Not a patch on his Kaiser Soze in The Usual Suspects. The Indian Actor Kal Penn makes blink-and-miss appearances (BTW, watch this movie which featues him in the lead...absolutely hilarious slapstick stuff.)

One star each for the two sequences mentioned above. Give the movie a miss. Not worth it.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Hi! I'm Kina, and you are?

Generate your Brazilian name here.

Monday, June 26, 2006

From Monkeys to me

Yessir, evolution has come a full circle.

Now for random musings:

I have now gone two weekends without beer, which means that my code is no longer valid. And the effects can be seen. I have actually lost some weight. It was my goal (Post : Welcome to the new year) to lose 10 kilos by the end of the year. I am nowhere on track, but there's always hope.

Coming round to the topic of hope, looks like the German team has performed well beyond what everyone had hoped for. To be honest, at the beginning of the World cup, I wasn't too confident of the Germans doing well. But boy, have they proved everyone (me included)wrong with their excellent attacking play! Their Polish forward combination of Klose and Podolski, that imperious midfielder who goes by the name Mikhail Ballack have been stand out performers for the team. If there's a niggling worry, then it's the defense. And let's accept the fact that Jens Lehmann is nowhere close to the one-man-defense that Ollie Kahn was in the previous World Cup. Anyways, I hope Germany does progress ahead, even if it comes at the cost of sentimental favorite Argentina. After all, I earn my bread and butter in a German firm.

Prime Minister Manmohan Singh has given Bangalore what Radio City terms "One tight slap" by criticising our traffic sense. Not that anything's gonna change, of course. We'll still remain blissfully unaware of traffic rules. I suits Bangalorean psyche the best. Long live lane cutting, unnecessary honking, high beam city driving, red light jumping, pavement driving, etc etc. Phew, our PM will have a heart attack, methinks, if he drives around like us common folk do.

I have been unsuccessfully trying to make PJ's about the Rakhi-Mika episode. I cannot seem to come up with good ones. Here's one I could come up with anyways:

Q : What did Mika say after Rakhi filed a case against him?
Ans : Sawant mein lag gayi aag, ke dil mera.....

Pathetic, I know. Forget you even read it. If you have any good ones, leave 'em as a comment. I'll put up a link to it.

The Holy Cow has mooed.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Underrated Hindi Movies

Grab a copy of these today, if you haven't watched them yet! I gaurantee that you will not feel cheated.

Waisa Bhi Hota Hai - Part 2

The Part 2 is just to grab your attention. There was no part one (but there is in the movie...You'll see for yourself). If you thought Arshad Warsi was good in Munnabhai MBBS, you're gonna love him in this. Shot Tarrantino style, it marked a first in Bollywood. You'll know this movie better for the song "Allah Ke Bande".


An RGV classic. The only movie where I liked Urmila's scared girl act. Manoj Bajpai's performance in this is on par with the one in Satya. He kjust keeps getting on your nerves, like his character requires him to. The ending is a total shocker. A must watch for all fans of the horror-thriller genre.

Dil Pe Mat Le Yaar

Directed by Hansal Mehta, this is one of the first Hindi movies to experiment with black humor. Bajpai, in a total reverse of his get-on-you-nerves performance in Kaun, is very very restrained. And to show how far ahead of it's time the movie was, the herione is shown as a smoker and someone who condones pre-marital sex. And she's still not a vamp!

More will follow...

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Tagzone - 6 Weird things about me

Picking up a tag by Harsha, where I have to list 6 weird things about meself.

1. I love to watch B Grade movies (there, I said it). They make me feel better about myself. It's nice to know there are bigger losers than me.

2. I buy Books and DVDs by the bushelful. And I don't read or view most of them. (Not exactly the kinda thing you'd save up for a rainy day, is it?)

3. I'm penny wise, pound foolish.

4. My favorite English song is this. No, really.

5. I can levitate a can of sardines 5 feet from ground level. But that's only if I've had cornflakes for breakfast.

6. I don't lie. Mostly.

OK. 5 and 6 were (a little) off the mark. But I cannot help it. I don't have any "things". I as regular/normal as they come

I tag Apy, Akshay and Vijay Krishna and YOU.

Kiss and Tell : A lesson on getting constructive feedback about Birthday Cake, the Mika way

Short Introduction : It is Mika's birthday. he wants to know what Rakhi Sawant thinks of his birthday cake.

Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you.....

Eat some cake..from my mouth

How does the cake taste?

Aargh...That was horrid, and I'm not just talking about the cake

How dare you insult my cake? Pow, Biff, Wham....

Let's leave.

Lesson: Never insult the cake. NEVER

Reconnecting to my childhood

What would you do if I sang out tune?
Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears and I’ll sing you a song.
I will try not to sing out of key, yeah

Oh, baby I get by with a little help from my friends
By with a little help from my friends.
All I need is my buddies
By with a little help from my friends
I said I’m gonna get by with a little
By with a little help from my friends - whoa oh oh oh oh

There has been no TV show I have connected as much to as The Wonder Years. For the uninitiated, It is a show which chronicles the life of young Kevin Arnold growing up in the late 60's and early 70's.

But the beauty of the show lies in the fact that you can see a part of you in Kevin. I have lost count of the number of times, where in my mind, I have exclaimed, "Hey, thats me!". Innumerable times I have shed a silent tear, given that knowing smile, and hung my head in embarrasment, all the time seeing myself on the television screen. That was how much the show moved me. Browsing through Akshay's blog has opened the floodgates of memories again.

As the time has passed by, I (and I am sure, all of us) have developed (if you can call it that) into a cynic, hardened by what I have seen happening around me. I need to reconnect to those days when I had nothing to bother me except issues like girls *wink* and not getting on the wrong side of the cane brandished by my dad. And The Wonder years will help me in achieving just that.

The hunt is on. Inspiration has come. The no-more-DVDs promise will be broken. If you can loan me/sell me a copy of the series, drop a mail at

For the uninitiated, watch the pilot episode here. You will not be disappointed. You'll see a part of you in Kevin. Or vice versa. And it's allowed to shed a tear. In memory of the innocence lost....

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

The Beautiful game?? Yes, Yes, Oh Yes...

Notice how the Serbs don't even get a touch of the ball. You've gotta love it. Argentina have given us the goal of the tournament yet. All the 40 yard curlers notwithstanding.

Faith restored. Thanks to VK for bringing this to my notice. I have goose pimples right now.

Monday, June 19, 2006

The Chronicles of Vinayak : The Weekday, the Weekend and the Draught Beer

Life is one big vicious routine right now. Except for the odd trip that I make here and there, the title of the post pretty much sums up my life. Here is a blow-by-blow account on how the holy cow lives his life:

The average weekday : Wake up at 5:45. Fight with mum before doing so, trying make convincing argument, for why I should NOT be going jogging. Common excuses range from the beliveable "It just rained, roads will be flooded" to "Cant you see I'm fighting dragons?". Then realise a fully awake Mother's logical reasoning cannot be matched by feeble protests. Get ready by 6:15 and set out for the ritual. Come back by 6:45 and take quick bath followed by stuffing food in mouth. Leave for work at 7 am (yes, 7!), reach office by 8 and settle into the seat. 8 - 12:15 [total memory loss] 12:15 - 1 lunch 1 - 5:15 [total memory loss]. Back home by 6:30. Now, I have to give credit to the powers-that-be at my workplace. By altering the time table a bit (from the erstwhile 9-6 to the present 8-5 system), they have ensured that we dont have to face the full fury of peak hour Bangalore traffic. Once back home, watch movie on DVD, play some badminton with friends, eat healthy dinner, and get into bed by 9:30. Repeat the same for 5 days a week. How does it sound?? Not very interesting, ain't it?

The average weekend : Lemme try my hand at coding and expressing an average weekend. (I'm faced with a peculiar situation here. I know that the world knows me as a Software engineer. But my job isn't the typical SE kinda thing. Gives rise to the Chandler Bing situation when people ask me about what I do...Don't blame me if the code does not make sense)

void weekend();
if( day == "Saturday")
if (DVD_req == "TRUE")
goto National_Market;
else Stay_at_home;
if( day == "Saturday" && time =="Evening")
if ( Money_in_hand && Company == "True" )
goto Pub_playing_loud_music;
else Stay_at_home;
if( day == "Sunday")
else Live_to_Repent;

The Draught Beer : Life is rosy. It finally seems like there's a reason to live. Hallelujah. (Strictly Saurday nights only. Or maybe the (more than) occasional Weekday.)

Friday, June 16, 2006

Breaking News: Balayya to sue Wachowski Brothers

Telugu superstar and Tanushree Dutta's favorite Southern Superstar, veteran of many a movie, Nandamuri Taraka Balakrishna, lovingly called Balayya Babu by his adoring fans (and not-so-charitable names by others) has revealed in press conference today that he plans to sue the Wachowski brothers for shamelessly plagarising from his 1983 smash hit "Flying Veerudu". The movie in question : "The Matrix". Providing ample proof of the plagarism, Balayya said : "Look how shamelessly they have kaapeed. And that hero is not kapeed even 1/12345th the emotion on my face. Shame I say."

In other unrelated news, former super shooter turned failed firing range instructor Jaspal Rana has shaved off his goatee. He refuses to elaborate why, but he was seen in deep conversation with Balayya just a few days ago, after a special screening of Flying Veerudu.

watch the video below, for more on this scoop.

Striking Back (with no vengeance)

It's been quite some time since I blogged. Well, it's not like anyone's been missing me or something, but I have to say that it's a relief to be moderately free, after being quite immersed in work.

The holy cow looks around and does not like what he sees or reads about (most of it anyways). The main issue hogging headlines here in Bengloor is the not so nice NICE controversy. In plain talk, it can be analysed in the following way. Our sorry excuse of a CM (who actually is a movie producer cum uber real estate developer) decides that he has a lot of money to make if he scuttles the already long delayed project. And Deve "I-will-slit-my-throat" Gowda concurs, so what the hassle? Now, here's something interesting. When it was revealed that HDK owned land adjacent to the BMIC project, Deve Gowda feigned amnesia about his comment that (his most oft repeated quote, after I-will-eat-poison) he would slit his throat. Damn! And look at me, I'd already got the knives out. Eat dung, Messrs. Gowda and Swamy.

Rakhi Sawant's got balls (not literally of course). Of course, there is no need for prime time media coverage for the antics that led to proof of the same, but still, I guess looking at Ms Sawant will be better than watching ugly old Arjun Singh for a change. Taking a look at the photo of horny lilttle Mika frenching Rakhi almost made me puke. Two reasons behind it. One, does Mika really believe that he is irresistable demi-god kinda hunk whom women will fell is an honor to french? *Puke* . Two, look at the jeering faces in the background. It's clear that nobody gave a shit when a guy was forcibly tryiong to kiss a girl, who, in plain view, was trying to avoid the same. Disgusting, but i guess they're related to those perverts who rape women in moving cars. *Double Puke*. I support you, Rakhi, and I hope that sumbitch Mika gets "Something Something" in return for his crass behavior.

The only thing good about my life these days is the World Cup. There are some very good reasons behind it. One, it makes me feel good about the money I blew up on buying the large screen telly and the digital signal decoder. Two, India is not playing, hence no fear of feeling despondent after a game. Three, Pakistan is also not playing. Hence, they're still shite.

On the movie front, I have taken a couple of harsh decisions on my big spending on DVDs. No more buying until I finish watching the 100 odd movies that I have already bought. I wouldn't be surprised if I find a few rupees (well quite a few, actually) more in my bank account at the end of the month. But now, I wait with immense anticipation, as it's payback time. I am not being immodest when I say that my collection truly rocks. Here's to a nice time in couch potato zone. Sigh, football and movies. What more can I ask for?

The holy cow has mooed (and will continue to do so on a more frequent basis). Watch this space for more updates.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

We're not racist....We're just a little pissed - P3

My viewpoint

There are 2 kinds of North Indians for me. (Thanks to Keshava for putting in words what I had in my mind all along) Those who come down to Bangalore, love the place, and make an effort to blend in. And then, there are those who live here but crib about the place and about the people. It is about the latter that I wish to put forth my viewpoint on.

Let me make it clear that cribbing about a place is perfectly OK by me. In fact, I guess nobody cribs as much as me when it comes to the condition of our roads, or the traffic situation etc. But it's really ridiculous to complain about people, to look down upon them as second grade citizens. Is it just because we speak in a funny accent, or we cannot speak our national language too well? If yes, then my faith in appealing to good sense lies shattered.

Do you really believe you are superior?
I see no reason to be diplomatic anymore, as I am talking about a section of the population I don't have much respect for. If you believe that you are a superior race, then please heed my unsolicited advice. Get out of my city. Go wherever else it is that you consider to be a better place for uber races to survive. And yeah, before you get suckered into the feeling that you actually are "better", let me lull you out of that false sense of security. You are not!

Give us respect, maybe you'll get some back
Have any of you guys ever tried learning the local language? Relax, I'm not asking you write a Kannada epic. I had a friend who learnt a coupla words. Yaake, Yeshtu, Yenu, Yelli etc. And everytime he went out, he could get by pefectly with a few words. And he used to tell me the bus conductors/ auto drivers used to grin at him and treat him with *literally* new found respect for making an attempt at least speak a few words in the language that they understood. He said to me, "They seem to be elated they do not have to make an attempt to speak in a language foriegn to them". The best way to show respect to the locals around you is to try and learn a bit of their culture. Learn a little of the language. Give a smile once in a while. I doesn't cost you anything. remember, if anyone's doing a favor, then it's the locals to you. You dont have to act like you deserve all the care and understanding in the world, and that you can be rudely dismissive to the rest of us. Give us some respect, and maybe you'll get some back.

Friday, May 19, 2006

We're not racist....We're just a little pissed - P2

With the IT boom came the population explosion of Bangalore. Nope, it wasn't any localised baby boom that this part of the world saw. Instead, it was people from all over India coming in to get into what is, inarguably, the best field to be in if you are young and dream big.

With this, came the attitude.

And since then, things have spiralled downwards.

It's not as much a Bangaloreans dislike for North Idians (or for that matter, people from South India..remember the stats), but the average NI's holier-than-thou attitude that gets our goat.

Here are a few responses I got from my friends when I asked them whether they thought NI's were arrogant.

Atul said "I have seen and experienced the prejudice against south Indians by north Indians..."

Anoop was of the opinion that NI's are generally more pompous than SI's. Hence the holier-than-thou attitude.

Praveen said "I dont think Northies look down on southies.... Still they comment a lot on our accent and our movies too...(Being in the hostel, we get hilarious comments on senti n flamboyantly coloured song sequences in movies here..).. Although, we too laugh with them,Still we feel somewht bad.."

Others I spoke to or those who wrote to me were generally of the consensus that, well, yeah, it does happen sometimes, but it may be true vice -versa too. But what made me really happy was except for a few here and there, nobody dared generalise. Shows how the mindset of Gen-X (yup...we're Gen X...gen Y is the one with pink mobile phones) is so different fromt the generation before us.

OK. Before, I launch into what my view of the subject is, let's see why NI's may have a grouse against the city that feeds them. This would be true for any person who goes and lives in a city that is not his home. DK hit the nail on the head when he mailed me this....

1) They get cheated almost everywhere coz they are unable to communicate in local language(shops and autos etc).
2) In any issue localites support thier own people over non-localites. Even if they know that the localite is guilty.
3) Even police will ignore most of the times non-localites.
4) Localites won't talk to them unless it is unavoidalble.
5) Localites will try to warn them that the place is not thier home and its not easy to do all things they used to do at thier place.
6) They may be pissed with the weather conditions there.

Well, maybe not no. 6, but what the heck.

Let me start with this incident that happened next to my house. There's this PG accomodation that a Marathi guy runs. He's a nice guy, lived in Karnataka for almost all his life. He is, like we say, an achchu-kattu Kannadiga. There were 4 North Indians together with two South Indians living in that house. One fine night, after a drinking session, the North Indians went wild, screaming at the top of their voice, hurling abuses at the owner. (We all know the standard abuses from NI, don't we? Not very pretty) This went on for quite some time. When one of the SI's questioned them as to why they were doing what they were doing, he got to view just 4 scornful faces in reply. The next day, when the owner found out about this, he failed to take it lying down. He woke up these guys from their booze induced slumber, gave them a months notice to clear out of the house. When I spoke to him(the owner) later, he told me that it was not the drinking he was bothered about. But the abuses that were hurled at him (racist) were just unacceptable. He now says that he will never accept any NI's in his PG hostel.

He generalized. I refuse to.....

More about my opinion in the next part

Thursday, May 11, 2006

We're not racist....We're just a little pissed - P1

Take this. When it rained in Mumbai and the city got flooded, there were stories of extraordinary compassion, where everyone helped everyone to get by the trying times. Cut to Bangalore, where people charged exorbitant amounts for help. 200 ruppees to push your stalling car, 150 ruppees to fix a puncture etc. Doesn't paint a nice picture of this city now, does it?

I have been thinking about this diametrically opposite reaction for quite some time now. It is common knowledge that Bangalore does not see as much cut throat competition or a rat race like in Mumbai where, as John Abraham so rightly put it in one of his movies, time is money! It's not been like that in Bangalore. We have always been laid back, relaxed, easygoing, blahblah... More importantly, we have always, like Mumbai (though the Shiv Sena has created a hiccup more than on one occasion) welcomed our fellow Indians to our city to lead a comparitively better life than what they would have had in their hometowns. The statistics speak for themselves. With 32% Kannadigas in the city, we are a minority in our own hometown. Not that we mind, really.

Or so, that seems to have been the case......

Friday, April 28, 2006


I am not a great (email)forward reader, but the following post has quite a lot of memorable sledges from the game of cricket (Ah, that beautiful game). Many thanks to Sooraj for the Fwd.

Go ahead...enjoy.

Best Cricket Sledges:

Wiki refers to sledging as 'exchanging words with opposition player(s) which can put him(them) off their usual game; it is an attempt to "psych out" an opponent'. Cricket is a very interesting game, and sledging adds to it the extra spice that make it much more than just game.Here is a compilation of the best sledging related incidents, witnessed in the history of cricket...

Sledging has always been a part of cricket.Even the great WG Grace did it. Once in an exhitbition match given out leg-before, he refused to walk and told the umpire: "They came to watch me bat, not you bowl". And the innings continued.

Grace's ability to stand his ground would have done Sunil Gavaskar proud. Once, when the ball knocked off a bail, he replaced it and told the umpire: "Twas the wind which took thy bail orf, good sir." The umpire replied: "Indeed, doctor, and let us hope thy wind helps the good doctor on thy journey back to the pavilion."

The best WG Grace sledge was on him, though, not from him. Charles Kortright had dismissed him four or five times in a county game - only for the umpires to keep turning down his appeals. Finally, he uprooted two of Grace's three stumps. Grace stalled, as though waiting for a no-ball call or something, before reluctantly walking off with Kortright's words in his ears: "Surely you're not going, doctor? There's still one stump standing."

The Prasad Vs Sohail Incident :
Hero to Zero in 3 easy stepsChasing India's score of 287-8, pakistan got off to a flyer of a start, Amir Sohail and Saeed Anwar went about tearing the Indian bowling attack. Pakistan looked all set to win as they reached 110 odd for the loss of just 1 wicket within the 15 overs.
1. Play a Great Shot: Amir Sohail was completely bent on demolishing the Indian bowling to pieces, charging down the track to the faster bowlers (if u can call Prasad that) in this particular case he came down the ground (a good 4-5 steps, anymore and he would have hit Prasad too) and slashed the bowl over vacant off side area... the ball disappeared into the fence in a flash ... what followed has since been etched in the memories of every cricket fan in the subcontinent.
2. Act Oversmart: Amir Sohail is no Miandad. But he tries to be,and fails miserably. Sohail after hitting the shot pointed his bat the area where the bowl had disappeared and then towards Prasad apparently gesturing where he will send the next one.Its not everyday that you see a batsman sledging the bowler, and Sohail was about to learn just why.
3. Get what you called for: Sohail attempting to repeat the shot (albeit with his feet stuck to the ground this time) made room and exposed his stumps, and his weakness, and in return lost his wicket and his face.As the wicket lay uprooted, Prasad returned the favour to Sohail, pointing to the pavilion this time. The comeback was truly remarkable, almost a miracle .... Prasad has bowled thousands of deliveries and taken hundereds of wickets in his career but, it was this one granted him a place in the History of Indian Cricket .. for ever... the ghost of Miandad's last ball six was exorcised, once and for all.

Steve Waugh Vs Curtly Ambrose Episode:
It really does not get any bigger than this, the two legends of cricket came face to face, literally and engrossed in a verbal duel in a test match in Trinidad. All the juicy details were not to be known until Steve Waugh came out with his autobiography.Ambrose repeatedly stared Waugh down during a searing spell, and Waugh, who sized up the towering Ambrose, said: "What the f*ck are you looking at? "Ambrose was stunned because, as Waugh says (in his Autobiography), "no one had ever been stupid enough" to speak to him like that.Ambrose replied, "Don't cuss me, man", before Waugh's response, which had nothing to do with bowling."Unfortunately, nothing inventive or witty came to mind, rather another piece of personal abuse: 'Why don't you go and get f*cked.' "The Windies skipper Richie Richardson had a hard time keeping Ambrose from hurting the Aussie.

McGrath Vs Brandes:
In a showdown of best pacers of two countries, Brandes made up for his complete absence of batting skills by some displaying some great sense of humor and presence of mind.Aussie paceman Glenn McGrath was bowling to Zimbabwe number 11 Eddo Brandes - who was unable to get his bat anywhere near the ball. McGrath, frustrated that Brandes was still at the crease, wandered up during one particular over and inquired: "Why are you so fat?"Quick as a flash, Brandes replied: "Because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit."Even the Aussie slip fielders were in hysterics.

Viv Richards v Greg Thomas:
This incident took place during a county championship match between Glamorgan and Somerset.Glamorgan quickie Greg Thomas had beaten Viv Richards' bat a couple of times and informed the legendary West Indian ace: "It's red, round and weighs about five ounces, in case you were wondering."The very next ball was given the King Viv treament and smashed out of the ground, into a river - at which point Richards piped up: "Greg, you know what it looks like. Now go and find it."

Merv Hughes and Viv Richards:
Merv Hughes usually never short of a word while on the field, rarely keeps quite. During a test match in the West Indies Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say f*ck off."

Sachin Tendulkar Vs Abdul Qadir:
The year was 1989, the little master had recently made his debut in Pakistan. Sachin not even old enough to get a driving licence Sachin Tendulkar was facing the best bowlers in the business. As the Pakistani crows jeered and mocked Sachin holding out the placards saying ""Dudh Pita Bhachcha ..ghar jaake dhoodh pee", (hey kid, go home and drink milk), Sachin sent the then young leg spinner Mustaq Ahmed hiding for cover (he had hit two sixes in one over. The frustaded mentor of Mustaq Ahmed the legendary Abdul Qadir challenges Sachin saying "Bachchon ko kyon mar rahe ho? Hamein bhi maar dikhao` (`Why are you hitting kids? Try and hit me.`).Sachin was silent, since then we all have come to know that he lets his bat do the talking. Abdul Quadir had made a simple request and Sachin obliged, and how. Sachin hit 4 sixes in the over, making the spinner look the kid in the contest. The over read 6, 0, 4, 6 6 6, David had felled Goliath ... and a legend was born.

Ian Healy Vs Ranatunga:
Ian Healy's made a legendary comment which was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney... "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c*nt!"

McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan:
Sarwan, the West Indies vice-captain, and McGrath went toe-to-toe in an ugly shouting match in Antigua in May 2003, The incident was sparked after Sarwan, on his way to a match-winning second-innings century, reportedly reacted to lurid taunts from McGrath by telling him he should get the answers from his wife, who was recovering from radiation therapy for secondary cancer. The details : McGrath: "So what does Brian Lara's d*ck taste like?"Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife."McGrath (losing it): "If you ever F*&king mention my wife again, I'll F*cking rip your F*fing throat out."

Mark Waugh Vs Adam Parore:
Mark Waugh was standing at second slip, Adam Parore relatively new to cricket came to the crease played & missed the first ball.Mark Waugh- "Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were sh*t then, you're fu*king useless now".Parore- (Turning around) "Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly sl*t & now I hear you've married her. You dumb c*nt".

Ravi shastri v/s Mike Whitney:
Its common knowledge that Indian's usually don't resort to sledging, and the Aussies swear by it. In this rare ocassion the tables had turned and it was the Aussies who were at the receiving end.Shastri hits the ball towards Mike Whitney (the 12th man in the game) and looks for a single, this guy gets the ball in and saysWhitney: "If you leave the crease i'll break your f***ing head"Shastri didn't bat an eyelid before replying : "If you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn't be the f***ing 12th man"

Merv Hughes Vs Cronje :
Merv Hughes was one of the greatest exponents of the fine "art" of sledging. Once during a tour game in South Africa Hughes was bowling to Hansie Cronje . It was an especially flat wicket and Cronje was hitting Hughes for fours and sixes all over the place.After the umpteenth boundary, Hughes headed down the pitch, stood near Cronje, let out a fart and said: "Try hitting that for six." It was five minutes before the guffawing stopped and play could resume.

Robin Smith and Merv Hughes:
During 1989 Lords Test, Merv Hughes said to Robin Smith after he played and missed: "You can't f*cking bat".Simth replied, both with the bat and with words, he smashed Hughes to the boundry and said "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't f*cking bat and you can't f*cking bowl."

Team mates Sledging :
England were playing Pakistan and, at what turned out to be a crucial moment later on, Frank Tyson managed to get an outside edge off a Pakistani batsman after the batsman had been frustrating them on a hot sweaty day. The ball went right through the hands of Raman Subba Rao who was standing in first slip and through his legs. After the over Raman heads over to the bowler and says, "Sorry Frank, I should've closed my legs." Frank Tyson, who didn't find any of this amusing, quipped back, "No, you bastard, your mother should have."

Ian Healy Vs a Short chubby batsman:
In one of the tour matches in South Africa, Australia played Hansie Cronje's province. Cronje was at the non strikers end, there was a short chubby batsman on strike.Ian Healy yelled to Warne, "Bowl a Mars Bar half way down...We'll get him stumped"The Aussies and Cronje were all in hysterics, all this was before a classic reply from the batsman.The exact words: "Nah, Boonie (David Boon fielding at short leg) will be onto it before I can move."

Miandad Vs Lillee: The 'brats' clash:
Miandad played Lillee to square leg and completed an easy run, with a collision taking place in the center. According to Miandad, Lillee had tried to block him in the path. After a verbal exchange, Lillee went ahead and kicked Miandad on his pads. Miandad, started charging towards Lillee with his bat lifted high above the head, as if to hit him. The umpire's intervention prevented what could have turned out to be a real assault had Miandad gone head with his plans. However, the picture of Miandad hurling his bat at Lillee made the whole incident look even worse, and was promptly declared as the most indignified incident in the history of Cricket.Lillee's version, to this day, had Miandad first hitting him with the bat, and then swearing at him. He maintained that there was no contact from his side throughout the incident.

Hughes Vs Miandad:
The inimitable Merv Hughes has forgotten more about sledging than most people will ever know, so he was more than a little miffed to be on the receiving end in the 1991 Adelaide Test against Pakistan. Hughes and Javed Miandad almost came to blows after the Pakistani batsman dared to call big Merv a "fat bus conductor". But revenge was sweet for Hughes. A few balls later he finally got his man and as Miandad walked past, he could not resist shouting "Tickets, please!"

Dennis Lillee Vs Sunil Gavaskar:
Dennis Lillee and Sunil Gavaskar, were involved in a war of words in the 3rd Test, MCG, February 1981. A historic win for India in that Test would definitely not have taken place had Sunil Gavaskar not calmed down. He clashed with Australian fast bowler Dennis Lillee, who Gavaskar claims abused him after claiming his wicket and the Indian captain asked non-striker Chetan Chauhan to walk off the field, forfeiting the match. Gavaskar was batting on 70 when Lillee appealed for a leg before decision. Gavaskar showed his bat to the umpire, indicating he had 'nicked' the ball before it hit his pads. Angry words were exchanged between the batsman and the bowler, and Lillee even went to the extent of pointing to the batsman the spot where the ball had his pads. The decision went in favour of the bowler and as Gavaskar started his long, dejected walk back to the pavilion, Lillee turned around and abused him. That was it. Gavaskar snapped, and decided to forfeit the match.Later, Gavaskar was to write in his book 'Idols': "That (the walkout) was the most regrettable incidents of my life. Whatever may be the provocation and whatever the reason, there was no justification for my action and I realize now that I did not behave the way a captain and sportsman should."

Flintoff Vs Tino Best:
Best, never short of a word or two when he is bowling, was done up like a kipper by the England all-rounder as West Indies slumped to defeat in the first Test. Flintoff saw his opponent preparing to face Giles' off-spin and shouted: "Watch the windows, Tino!" The wind-up had the desired effect, causing Best to come charging out of his crease like a man possessed. He took a wild swing at the ball, missed and was promptly stumped by Geraint Jones. Not a broken window in sight. Flintoff could not contain himself and spent the next five minutes giggling like a teenager, as Best sat on the balcony rueing his stupidity.

Viv Richards to Gavaskar:
Gavaskar had decided to relinquish his opening position and come in at no 4 for that test. But, Malcolm Marshall fired out Anshuman Gaekwad and Dilip Vengsarkar for ducks, setting the stage for Gavaskar to walk in at 0/2.And he thought there would be less pressure! Viv Richards says "Man, it don't matter where you come in to bat, the score is still zero."

Steve Waugh and Parthiv Patel:
Amidst all the hype surrounding his farewell match, Steve Waugh had to contend with an unexpected dose of his own medicine from a player half his age.As Waugh fought a grim battle to stave off defeat in the series-deciding fourth Test in Sydney, 19 year-old Indian wicket-keeper Parthiv Patel tried to unsettle the veteran batsman through some banter.The baby-faced Patel egged on the 38 year-old stalwart to play one of his sweep shots one last time.The India 'keeper was saying, 'Come on, just one more of the famous slog-sweeps before you finish'Waugh replied: 'Look, show a bit of respect. You were in nappies when I debuted 18 years ago'.

Rod Marsh and Ian Botham:
When Botham took guard in a Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife and my kids?"

Trueman and Aussie batsman:
In an England v Australia Test during early 1960's Trueman was fielding close to the gate from the pavilion. As a new batsman came out he turned to shut the gate, Trueman said "Don't bother son, you won't be out there long enough."

Daryll Cullinan and Shane Warne:
As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.

Adam Parore and Daryll Cullinan:
Because Cullinan is well known for being Warne's bunny, New Zealand keeper Parore greeted the South African, carefully playing the first ball from kiwi Chris Harris, with a cry of: "Bowled Warnie!"

Malcolm Marshall and David Boon:
Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a couple of times. Marshall: "Now David, Are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?"

James Ormond and Mark Waugh
James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was greeted by MarkWaugh……..Mark : "F*ck me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England"
James: "Maybe not, but at least i'm the best player in my family"

Waugh Vs Jamie Siddons:
In a Sheffield Shield game between NSW and SA, a Waugh twin (not sure which) was taking an enternity to take guard, asking the umpire for centre, middle and leg, two legs - the whole lot. Then he steps away towards leg side and has another look around the field, before re checking centre.Jamie Siddons is at slip, and decided enough is enough. He yells out."For christ sake, it's not a 'f*cken test match."Waugh replies: "Of course it isn't ... You're here."

Mother (in law) of all sledges:
In the 1980's Ian Botham returned early from a tour of Pakistan, and on radio joked "Pakistan is the sort of country to send your mother in-law to ." Needless to say the Pakistanis did not find this amusing, and when Pakistan defeated England in the 1992 World Cup Final, Aamer Sohail told Ian Botham "Why don't you send your mother-in-law out to play, she cannot do much worse."

Barmy Army Vs Shane Warne:
England's "Barmy Army" recently decided to sledge leg spinner Shane Warne musically, and it has been described as boorishly personal, but effective.The sledge was based on Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep - the "Where's your poppa gone?" Song. It has been converted to "Where's your missus gone?" (Warne had recently been divorced )