Mithunda Rocks

I got this peice of writing via email. I'm sure it's been picked from a blog somewhere. But it's so hilarious, I had to put a copy in here.

To whoever's written this post : " Boss, no longer is Mithunda Incomparable, now that you are here...May you carry the inextinguishable flame forward".

Read on, and laugh hard.....

Mithunism----The Religion

A buxom lady is going to have the shoulder of her blouse torn by a bunch of marauding ruffians. Suddenly, a bottle rolls on the ground and a Man enters the screen. The ruffians ask "Who are you?" In a voice that would make the blood of tigers run cold (old jungle proverb), He says:

"Dikhne me bewada, daudne me ghoda, aur maarne me hathoda hoon main"

The man. The legend. Mithun Chakraborty. Some call him Mithun-da, most call him Prabhuji.

Mithun-da is one of my idols. I will go even further and say He is my God. I believe in Him. And like any fanatic, I am extremely impatient with some people who laugh at Him, compare Him unfavorably to Amitabh and Shahrukh Khan just because He is supposedly "down market". I think these people should rot in Hell with 72 virgins. 40 year old male virgins that is.

Also like any true-blue fanatic, I would like to spread His word, increase His flock and hopefully salvage many Mithun-less souls. For those who come to scoff, I hope, that after reading this rather lengthy post (the word of God is never concise---The Bible, the Koran, the Gita are not small books), you shall stay to pray.

Or at least say :" Hayeeeeeeeeeeeee Saalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

Mea culpa. I have to confess. My faith in Him had faltered. Once. It was occasioned by reading this article.

On the very first day of shooting for Mithun-da's new movie "Chingari" directed by Kalpana Lajmi, the traditional rape sequence was being picturized between Mithun-da and Sushmita Sen. However Sushmita, who is somewhat of a nag and a pathetic pseudo, left the sets fuming about how Mithun touched her inappropriately during the scene.

Despite the irony of inappropriate fondling during a rape scene, I was distraught. How could Prabhu do this to a girl his daughter's age? I cried myself to sleep and in my dreams, Mithun-da came to me, whispering words of wisdom.

Well actually no.

He said nothing. In my dream, He was standing on a desolate beach with dolorous weather-beaten eyes. He bent down, picked up a fistful of sand, and let it fall through His fingers. I immediately understood what He meant----the ephemeral nature of the human body, ashes to ashes --dust to dust----what is one touch here or there ? It's all Maya. How true.

In the morning I realized that He also may have meant that all He did was touch silicon (ie sand) and not Sushmita Sen, the creature of flesh and bone.I was born again.Unlike Amitabh and Shahrukh and all the other false Gods, Mithun-da delivers. Week after week He delivers hit after hit. And the people whom He cares for, the people who worship Him are not the multiplex-going-Western-culture-aping-Godless-apostates but real Indians----the villagers, small towners, the sons of the soil---the Jawan and the Kisaan, who flock to see His movies in Mithun temples----small, stuffy, dilapidated cinema halls with creaking torn seats, insects, peeling paint and the all-permeating stench of sweat and urine.

Mithun-da is versatile. No living actor has essayed as many diverse roles as He has which include (but are not limited to)---a tribal caught in the headlights of exploitation (Mrigaya), a disillusioned freedom-fighter (Tahader Katha), Ramakrishna Paramhansa (Ramakrishna Paramhansa), a ventroquilist (Gudiya), a pimp (Dalal), an army general ( Military Raaj), a Coolie in an airport (Gunda), a drunk ruffian (Prem Pratigya), an assassin (Jallad), a Tamil coconut seller (Agneepath) a boxer (Boxer), a Bengali (Bengal Tiger), a teacher (Krantishetra), a disco dancer (Disco Dancer, Dance Dance), a truck driver (Truck Driver Suraaj), a police officer (Jung), a detective (Lucky), an international terrorist (Baba Sikander in Elaan), a false man of God (Dance of Love) , a Sardar (Tusi Great Ho Paazi) and not to forget his donning the mantle of the Indian James Bond---Gunmaster G9 (actual name:Gopinath) in Suraksha and Wardaat. The first three roles in this list won him National Awards---more than any other Indian actor and all of them the adulation and devotion of his followers.

A word about Mithun-da's Bond avatar. It's one of this century's biggest tragedies that so few people know about our Desi Bond-- G-9 . While he may not have worn exquisitely tailored suits or sipped Dom Perignon below 38F, Mithun-da is the only Bond to have group danced with a gaggle of buxom ladies in skin tights.

G9 may not have tangoed with Blofeld and the SMERSH but he had his hands full with Dr. Shiva of the evil Shiv Shakti Organization (this name sounds vaguely familiar in light of the Indian political landscape). And let me remind you, in all his battles G9 came out with flying colors---saving the world from death rays (Suraksha) and invading locusts (Wardaat) while grappling with a futuristic bionic villain, enhanced with bio-mechanical implants at the nano level (in the movie, the villain had calculators strapped to his hands).

Talking of villains, in almost all movies Prabhuji has tackled the scariest villains ever seen on screen. In other words, the scum of the earth as represented by the lusty Bulla, the confused Chutiya, the imperialist Sam, the foul Pothey, the dark Kala Shetty, the hapless Lucky Chikna, the sly Ibu Hatela, the politically well-connected Lamboo Ata and the fearless Ballu Bakra. Each of these accursed souls have been dispatched to their maker by Prabhuji with style and panache as exemplified in the dialogue he delivers to Ibu Hatela :

"Main tumhe Hatela se Katela bana doonga"

If the names of these devils have not made you understand what Prabhuji was up against, here are dialogues from two of them:

"Mai jis gali se guzarta hoo waha bachcha paida hone se pehle durrkar maa ke pet me susu kar deta hai!!" (Loha)

and a similar sentiment:

"Hum aise laashen bicha denge jaise kisi nanhe munhe bacche ke nunhi se pesaab tapakta hain---tap tap" ( Gunda)

Tough guys........... indeed !

But Prabhuji is not all about dispatching the bad guys. He knows how to have fun. And whenever the villains are not around, He likes to dance and frolic. A few of His memorable Bhajans (many of the "moojick" being supplied by another God, Bhappee-da) ---" Char Gya Upaar Re" (Dalal), "Mirchi Re Mirchi Kamaal Kar Gayee, Dhoti Ko Pharke Rumaal Kar Gayee" (Jurmana), "Main Loongi Uthaake Tumhe Disco Dikhati" (Agneepath), De de de chummi chummi (Janta Ki Adalaat), Main Tera Murga (Hitler), Daakiya Babu Daku Hain Pakka ....the list needless to say is endless.

Not only is Mithun-da India's greatest actor and superhero, He is a very keen businessman. And a visionary to boot. If Henry Ford revolutionized the automotive industry in the early 20th century with the use of the "assembly line", Mithun-da has done something similar with movies. Sick and tired of Mumbai's loss-making film industry, He started an alternative center for high-quality yet money-making movies in beautiful Ootie with his hotel (the flagship of the Monark group of hotels which he owns) serving as the base of operations. Movies are efficiently produced within two weeks---from conception to the finished product. No expensive foreign shoots, no production delays and in general none of the needless flab that has made Bollywood a loss making endeavor.

Mithunda has truly productized movie-making by creating a baseline movie framework that can be efficiently re-used for multiple offerings----the baseline plot is --Mithun-da is an honest man, His father gets killed, His sister gets raped and then He takes revenge. As simple as that. Of late He has started playing the villain but usually what I mentioned before is the skeleton of almost all His movies. With the base structure in place, each particular movie then can be looked upon as an instantiation of this general framework-----as a researcher into formal software design I can only marvel at His godly genius.

Like many geniuses, Prabhu-ji's greatness has not been appreciated. While duds like Shahrukh keep on getting one Filmfare after another for crappy lovefests, Mithun-da has to be content with measly "Best villain" awards. BS I tell you ! And His greatest movie, "Gunda" surely deserved the Oscars much more than that monstrosity "Titanic".

Just like Spielberg plagiarized Satyajit Ray's script to make ET, countless number of Hollywood hotshots have shamelessly copied from the holy texts without so much as a hat tip.

Mithun-da's movie "Boxer" was an inspirational story of how a no-hoper becomes a champion boxer---with his coach being a monkey whom Mithun-da feeds bananas. Stallone lifted the concept for "Rocky" (sans the monkey---that would have been a giveaway) and the song "Eye of the Tiger" is nothing if not an implicit acknowledgement of having copied from the real Bengal Tiger.

In another movie "Aajgar" Mithun plays a Shaolin monk who learns some amazing move with his hands---he does not even need to touch the villains---they fall nonetheless on account of his knowledge of the "force" (wink wink---sound familiar?).

And then in another movie, he suspends himself mid air and kicks the enemy in super slow mo-----yes the precursor of "Matrix" which incidentally should have been called "Mithun Tricks".

In the movie "Panther" (or it could have been "Cheetah'') He plays the role of an assassin who is coming out of a state of amnesia. Bourne Identity anyone?

Finally, his movie--"Agniputra". In that, the villains have kidnapped his mother and sister and the villains gloat over the mother's dead body. Suddenly the mother gets up and starts bashing the villains to pulp. Then the "mother" removes her mask---it is Prabhuji ! In the audience must have been John Woo---MI2 was born.

Another thing that pains the Man is how many of His physics-defying antics have been appropriated by Rajanikant. Now all Mithun-bhakts have respect for Rajni but surely, splitting a bullet into two with a knife and killing 2 villains with one bullet was first done by Mithun-da in the movie "Heera" where He gave the line : " Mere naam hain Heera, chakoo se bullet ko cheera".

In a similar situation, I once remember Mithun-da running when a villain fires a bullet. What follows is a breathless chase---bullet flying, Mithun-da running, bullet flying, Mithun running. Then when the bullet is gaining on Him, Mithun-da suddenly steps aside and the bullet passes Him by a whisker. Only then does He realize the bullet is going to hit His widowed mother. Now it is Mithun running, bullet flying, Mithun running, bullet flying. And at the last moment, He grabs the bullet and saves His mother.

Simply divine.

I could go on about Him---how He coined the term Disco (which in case you did not know is an acronym with D=dance, I=item, S=singer, C=chorus, O=orchestra--source "I am a Disco Dancer" from "Disco Dancer"), how He is the only person to have been a Naxal as well as a Shiv Shainik, how He has a massive fan following in Russia, how He almost married Sridevi, how He was the highest tax payer in India and how He inspired India's 21st century economic prosperity with the inspirational line "Agar tujhe halwa khana hain, to tujhe dance karna parega. Dance dance" ----but I shall leave that for now.

Because it is now time for prayers.

Prabhu-ji ki Jay Ho !

Can you feel the love?

Mooing On....

Some good news on the sports front. Our Bangalore Lions have won the first of the best of three finals of the Premier Hockey League. I am not a hockey buff, nor do I have any inkling about the rules of the game. But the IHF (Indian Hockey Federation) had hit bulls eye with this tournament, which follows a format radically different from that of normal hockey. for starters, foreign players are allowed to participate. The card system is also followed. The biggest shift is the presence of 4 quarters of play, rather than the classical two halves and the option to take a time-out. Lets hope all these changes in the game make it more interesting for the players and viewers alike. It's time we started paying attention to games other than cricket.



Fed-Ex never seems to run outta steam. Now before you think that I'm talking about the courier company, let me tell you that it's Roger Federer that I'm referring to. He now has one 3 consecutive Grand Slam titles, with just the elusive French Open out of his grasp. What with Rafael Nadal struggling with injuries, seems like Federer is the best bet this time, to lift the trophy at Roland Garros. I hope to see a RogerSlam this time around. Go Federer!



Radio City 91FM seems to be losing steam. Not only has the standard of shows deteriorated, I even get a feeling that the RJ's have become a little too pompous. It does not augur well for the first private entertainment radio channel of the country, specially when the airwaves in Bangalore are opening up and people can just flip from one station to another, which hasn't been the case till now.

More later....Thats all for now. The Holy Cow has mooed!

Rang De Basanti - * * * * *

is par bhi na khaule jo vo khoon nahi vo paani hai
jo desh ke kaam na aa saki, bekaar vo jawani hai

A generation has awakened.

Never before have I seen such as stunning response for a movie that everyone initially thought was a comic caper with 5 friends indulging in romance and parties. I went into the movie hall, paying double the price of the movie ticket, hoping that it wouldn't be an encore of Mangal Pandey. I am happy to say that all my fears were unfounded, and the movie was worth every paisa i paid.

Rang De Basanti is about making a choice. A choice, whether you want to live life accepting everything around you, no matter how bad, or standing up to what is wrong, and making the world a better palce to live in. The main protagonists of this movie make the latter. And there in lies the plot of Rand De Basanti, the metamorphosis of these carefree, "i-give-a-damn-about-my-country" guys into people with a conscience, who beleive standing up for the truth, for the country.

It all begins with a Brit documentary maker, Sue (Alice Patten), coming to India to make a movie about the revolutionaries of the Independence war. Though she is refused assistance by her bosses, she comes down because she feels she owes it to her grandfather, an officer in the British Army, who has wriiten about revolutionaries like Bhagat SIngh, Chandrashekar Azad etc in his diary. First hand accounts and conversations, no less.

Though charged about her mission intially, she begins to lose hope when she, along with Sonia (Soha Ali Khan) doesn't find the right people to play the roles of the revolutionaries. The youth of our country just can't get themselves to live the roles of the heroes who laid down their lives for a better future for their country, but can do a Dev Anand or a Stallone! But a meeting with Sonia's friends convinces her that they are perfect for the roles, and convinces them to do it. Later, Laxman Pandey (Atul Kulkarni), the hindu fundamentalist also joins the cast.

What happens afterwards forms the rest of the story, which I cannot divulge, purely for the reason that I beleive everyone should get to watch this movie and learn for themselves.

Performance wise, this movie rocks. All the characters in this movie are beleivable. Aamir Khan as Daljit Singh aka DJ is a scream. Soha Ali Khan reaffirms my faith in the inheritance of genetic traits. Kunal Kapoor (of Meenaxi infamy..till now at least) is decent as Aslam, the poet of the group. Siddhartha is a surprise packet, playing the brooding and caustic Karan with just the right intensity. Atul Kulkarni, as the patriotic Hindu fundamentalist with principles gives a stellar performance. But all the kudos to Sharmaan Joshi, who plays the immensely likeable Sukhi, whose only fear in life is that he'll die a virgin! Alice Paten is good. So are the charcter actors Kiron Kher, Anupam Kher and Om Puri.

I have to thank Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra for this incredible movie that he has dished out. The lyrics by Prasoon Joshi are something that the youth of today can identify with. As for the music, need i say more? That it's scorching all the countdowns speaks enough about AR's effort.

I have already sen this movie twice. I'm gonna watch it at least two more times. After all, such movies are very rare in Bollywood. Paint me Yellow. This one get 5 stars from me

The Movie Theater that is my house

Well, I was supposed to put in a post about the political situation in Karnataka...but i'll postpone it for later. Writing about such stuff just gets me all angry and frustrated.

My DVD collection is goin great guns and i'm doin an average of 3 DVD purchases a week. Here is a list of movies that I have watched over the last coupla weeks. Mind you, some of these movies you would have never even heard of, but these gaurantee total entertainment

Goodfellas



This movie was rated the best movie of all time on a poll sometime ago, beating the VonTrapp family (The Sound of music ....I wouldn't know) and even The Godfather (sacrilege). Though the movie's great, with sterling performances from DeNiro and Ray Liotta, and Joe Pesci, this mob drama is not a patch on the prior mentioned classic. But a great watch nevertheless.

Scarface



Two words. Tony Montana. Pacino's stunning display of histrionics leaves me baffled as to why he did not get an Oscar for this role. Directed by Brian De Palma, screenplay by Oliver Stone (now a superb director in his own right), this movie stands out for the fact that there isn't a single postive character.

Carlito's Way



Pacino again. This time around he plays a former drug runner trying to go straight. Carlito Brigante, the Peurto Rican mob man is brought to life by Pacino's powerful yet underplayed performance. Well supported by an ensemble cast.

Frankie and Johnny



By now, you guys must've guessed I have a Pacino Special DVD. But this one's crap. The only saving grace is an ethereal Michelle Pfieffer. Gary Marshall, director, of Pretty Woman and Runaway Bride fame gives us a dud.

Heat



One of the greatest casts i have seen on screen. Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, Val Kilmer, Charlize Theron get together in this movie, to give us one of the best heist dramas of all time. This movie is not as much about the heist as it is about DeNiro and Pacino trying to out-do and out-think each other. Directed by Michael Mann, this is one of the must watches.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory



A charming departure from all the above mentioned movies. This is about a poor kid Charlie, who gets a chance to visit the Chocolate Factory, owned by the eccentric and reclusive Willy Wonka (played delightfully by Johnny Depp, who apparently based this character on Michael Jackson). If this sounds too mundane for you, well, you're greatly mistaken. Because when Tim Burton and Johnny Depp get together for a movie, it's pure magic on screen. And yes, the Oompa-Loompa's are played by an Indian. Now there's a patriotic reason to watch this movie.

Layer Cake



One of the more stylish mob dramas I have seen. Matther Vaughn (Guy Ritchie's erstwhile partner) dons the directors mantle this time, with Daniel Craig (the new James Bond) playing the narrator (un-named throughout the movie). Very stylish, very classy. And yes, the incredibly hot Sienna Miller makes a fleeting appearance.

Sarkar



The best Hindi movie of 2005. Thre are no rights or wrongs. Ther is only power. Need I say more? The best performance ever by Amitabh (according to me at least), terrific backgrond music and a tight narrative, Ram Gopal Varma scores big time with this crime/power epic, which he terms as his tribute to The Godfather.

Maria Full of Grace



I have written a post earlier after i read it's screenplay. But I am equally moved by this movie. The movie tilte says it's based on a 1000 true stories. By the way, this won a Golden Globe for Best Foriegn Language movie.

Green Street Hooligans



A movie about football violence in England. Elijah Wood plays a Harvard student, who takes the fall when his room mate gets caught with drugs. He flies to England to be with his sister and her husband, when he is introduced to the heady world of Football Hooliganism by his brother-in-laws brother, where violence gives him an incredible but dangerous high. Great movie, with splendid performances.


Well, thats all for now. But i'll keep posting more about the movies that I watch. The Holy Cow has mooed on.

Moving On

Hooray...now there's another song which I can continuously keep lstening to, without tiring of it. I wonder what it is about songs speaking of loneliness that attracts me to them. Sure as heck, I'm not the lonely types, but anyways, this song's called "Yeh Hai Meri kahaani" (This is my story) from the movie Zinda. It goes something like this:

This is my story
Of my silent lonely life
The silence speaks to me
Asking me why I bear these injustices

A story very old
Told in the language of loneliness
Every wound of mine is flowering
And it says something to me

I choose from an offering of thorns
I stay alive when I'm surrounded by collapsing walls

Moving on, I found a pic of my class from PUC on the web, and it brought back a flood of memories from the best two years of my student life.



I will soon post my comments about the political turmoil happening currently in our state. Watch this space for more

Trainspotting - Irvine Welsh

Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholestrol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisureware and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourself.Choose your future. Choose Life

Jingle all the way

Radio Jingles are now turning out to be more addictive than the noise our esteemed music diectors seem to create these days. Here's a list of my favorite jingles, in no particular order :

Puravankara Homes : Easily the most catchy tune that runs on radio. The fact that it's on every 30 minutes also helps. I find myself humming the tune everytime it's played.

Mantri Homes : Lets go home, the singer wails. Well, he's got me hooked. But i really dont think i can afford one in Mantri.

Maruti Alto : Ok, this one's a Kannada translation of the original hindi song that plays on the telly. But it's actually beautiful, if you try and make sense of the lyrics.

Ford : There are two reasons this is on the list :
1. It's quite intelligent rapping that sells it as a "Bangalorean" car.
2. It mentions "Bannerghatta Potholes"
Smart selling, if you ever need an example.

Elita Promenade : The builders of Bangalore are back. Guess it's an indication of how rapidly Bangalore is growing.

Nokia/Reliance : I am not sure which brand this jingle sells (goes to show that jingles are more popular than the brands htey endorse). But "Yeddelu India Yeddelu" is slowly becoming cult classic. Again a Kannada translation of a hindi song.

All said and done, my favorite ad on radio is one without a jingle. Spice telecom had hit bulls eye with it's advertisement campaign and slogan "Everyone likes to talk"...Couldn't be simpler and more crisp. My personal favorite : the one with the mechanic....Has me in splits everytime.

Welcome to the new year

I wish everyone a very happy and prosperous 2006. May all your dreams and wishes come true. May you never lose a loved one, may you add more more into that fold.

Well, it's another year, life goes on..... I have a lot of grand plans for this year. The biggest resolution i have made is to lose 10 kilos minimum by the end of this year. So come 2007, i must weigh no more than ** kilos (hah suckers...did you really think i'd let the secret out!)

T'is also the year for me do a lot of introspection. I am somewhat ashamed to say that I still haven't found the true calling of my life. Of course, i have a good job which i enjoy a lot, I am surrounded by people I love, and those who love me back. But somehow, somewhere, it just doesn't fit into the larger picture. I hope i an figure out what it is I really want to do.......If i do not, then Software Engineering it is.

The first day of 2006 saw me making some purchases for myself (nothing like self indulgence to make a greedy soul happy!)....And all of these purchases happened to be dvd's. I am well and truly on my way to having a great collection. This is one thing i hope to build upon in the coming year.

2006....I somehow have a good feeling about this year. Hope everything works out.